Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1266 of 6383
Daughter: "Mom, you are in my personal space." Mom: "You came out of my personal space."
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04-18-2016 23:59
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And if Hillary wins the election it won't be the first time in history that a criminal moves into public housing vacated by a black family.
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04-18-2016 20:50 by MWC
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I make up for the time I've wasted on the Internet by stopping the microwave a few seconds early
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04-18-2016 20:34 by Snotty
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[dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face*,,,,,,,,, And when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time
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04-18-2016 20:31 by Snotty
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Based on the white smoke pouring out from under the hood of my car, it elected itself as the new pope.
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04-18-2016 17:06
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Forgive me if I unfollow you...God only gave me so many brain cells, and I'm not about to lose them over these retarded posts you put on Facebook everyday.
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04-18-2016 13:02 by SJW
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The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
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04-18-2016 07:46
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If the Pope can take in a couple of lesbos, I should be allowed to too.
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04-18-2016 01:11
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If Trump wins the election it'll be the first time in history that a billionaire moved into public housing vacated by a black family.
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04-17-2016 21:15
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Fast food workers that want a tip confuse me, if you want a tip, be a server, not a flipper.
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04-17-2016 20:20
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[on a date] Me: I own an airplane , racecar, and a yacht... Her: Wow... Me: But not all at the same time,, I haven't got that many Legos
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04-17-2016 17:46 by snotty
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"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen. " And you're a human being not a lobster?!
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04-16-2016 18:21
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"Did you see that Bruce-" It's Caitlyn now. "*sigh* -that Caitlyn Springsteen is playing at the arena?"
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04-16-2016 14:52
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Yea i've climbed mountains before [checking my reflection in a butter knife] mountains of babes
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04-16-2016 14:40
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Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Doritos so my fingers don't get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
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04-16-2016 08:19 by Snotty
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The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
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04-16-2016 04:39
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TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
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04-16-2016 04:37
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Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
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04-16-2016 04:35
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1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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04-16-2016 04:33
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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
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04-16-2016 04:31
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