Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon So far it's been a successful Fathers day. There hasn't been anyone knocking on my door with a "You don't know me, but" opening line yet
←Rate | 06-19-2016 19:42 by FathersDay Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not sure what it is but the older I get, the smarter my Dad gets....
←Rate | 06-19-2016 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any relationship can be a long distance relationship if you run away.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out AT&T stands for Atlantic Telephone and Telegraph. I think my internet is connected to the telegraph side.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:18 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I blocked my cat on Twitter. He knows why.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always wears an "I'm with stupid" shirt to marriage counseling.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always wear sunglasses at the poker table so people can't see me crying.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Set the tone for the day by getting out of bed and stumbling directly into a wall.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what this clogged toilet needs? More toilet paper! Kid logic.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I want the entire beach to myself on Father's Day, I wear a Speedo.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're a living oxymoron if you get distracted while driving a Ford Focus.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Mom always told me to dress as if I'm gay, which I guess makes sense since my clothes came out of the closet.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Contrary to rumors, a full moon before the summer solstice is not bad news. Unless you're a werewolf who likes to go to the beach.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best things in life are free drugs.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guys from Insane Clown Posse originally started rapping while working their way through clown community college.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 06:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only while camping can you pee in the middle of the night while staring into the eyes of a bear.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 05:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: A box of donuts placed on top of the mailbox will keep the police from breaking up your party.
←Rate | 06-19-2016 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day to all the real Dad's.... Sit down deadbeats we celebrate you on April Fool's Day...
←Rate | 06-19-2016 05:51 Comments (0)  




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