Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1265 of 6446

Finally told my parents they’re gay.
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06-21-2016 04:07
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Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!
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06-21-2016 02:03
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If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
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06-21-2016 01:59
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If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it!
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06-21-2016 01:58
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99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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06-21-2016 01:52
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"I know a good divorce lawyer" is definitely a wrong thing to say at any wedding. Hmmm now I know.
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06-21-2016 01:42
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There is an 87% chance if your wife still sleeps with a stuffed animal you'll end up as the featured story on Dateline at some point.
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06-21-2016 01:37
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BREAKING: Donald Trump fires Corey Lewandowski as campaign manager, plans on replacing him with Gary Busey.
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06-21-2016 01:35
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I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.
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06-20-2016 20:13
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Day 781 of P90X: I carry my car to work everyday.
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06-20-2016 19:31 by Bruce
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My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker.
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06-20-2016 19:23 by Bruce
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Trust me, don't get Guinea Pigs. They're a lot of work for relatively little meat.
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06-20-2016 07:24 by Nipper
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.... Dammit my six pack has turned into a keg ... time to hit the gym again.
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06-20-2016 03:13
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.... If you own a Tesla and it gets stolen .... Is it then called an Edison?
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06-20-2016 03:00
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Guess who's not getting anything for father's day....Bruce Jenner
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06-20-2016 01:15
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It's Father's Day not FARTHERS DAY Ladies
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06-20-2016 00:42 by jitney
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it too late to claim that I invented the wheel. . .
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06-20-2016 00:10 by JAB
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Between Peyton Manning with a Super Bowl; Sid the Kid with a Stanley Cup, and Lebron tonight; a lot of haterz died a painful death this year. Kudos to three of the all time greats cementing their legacies!!!
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06-19-2016 23:20
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First rule of Dad Club is hey are you paying attention here, you need to know how to change a tire, hand me a wrench not that one the other one.
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06-19-2016 20:47
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A new report found that Social Security made $6 billion in overpayments in 2015. Which explains how my grandma can afford spinning rims for her Rascal Scooter.
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06-19-2016 20:47
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