Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I didn't know Harriet Tubman was a dead president?

   Always love April 21st as it's Random Drug Testing Day at work.

   Great green moon tonight for 420

   I ain't saying she's a gold digger but she has emphysema and is missing four fingers. Maybe she's a coal miner.

   Tubman to be on the $20, there is your reparations, now shut up.

   Nothing better than imagining "Tubman's" raining down on strippers cheeks.

   Man, reality is relentless.

   It's 4/20, remember to leave out milk and cookies for Snoop Dogg!

   My neighbor stopped me while I was mowing to brag about his new mower, I said thats all good and well but I still have a bigger deck...

   Some @$$ hole licked their thumb before handing me a paper. I hope my story inspires other victims to come forward.

   When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? asking for a friend

   If Hillary wins the POTUS, we'll all know what it's like to have a yeast infection because we will be dealing with an irritating c@%t every day.

   It's 420 eve, remember to leave out milk and cookies for snoop dogg.

   WOW,,,, my nana REALLY can't take a punch anymore

   Little Known Fact: The Golden Girls was originally titled Depends on Friends

   Cruz chooses Billy Graham as VP, even though he might not be alive.

   Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."

   If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

   What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

   Happy Stoners Eve