Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1256 of 6446

If you judge me by my before coffee state of mind, we can't be friends
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06-28-2016 14:14 by Baddie
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Right now the most stable currency in the UK is the Cadbury Creme Egg.
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06-28-2016 14:14
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Money aside, what do you wish you had more of?All the money that you've pushed to the side

.... Everyone has that one person in their life that is lucky to be alive and is only still breathing because you can't afford a hit-man ...
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06-27-2016 22:36
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Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
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06-27-2016 19:32 by Snotty
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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest
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06-27-2016 11:15 by Miguel
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Ever been so juiced you started speaking fluent Ozzy Osbourne?
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06-27-2016 09:53
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All aboard the disoriented express.....
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06-27-2016 09:46
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...... Liberals to the Left of me .... Republicans to the right ...... Here I am ..... Stuck in the middle with you ......
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06-27-2016 00:26
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Wookies to the left of me, Ewoks to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle of Endor with you...
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06-26-2016 23:34
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If MTV landed on the moon again, would people even care?
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06-26-2016 23:28
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Miss those 90's thrillers when the bomb clock was still analog and only had three wires.
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06-26-2016 23:23
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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
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06-26-2016 23:18
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Before mowing the lawn I always spend an hour pricing goats on the internet.
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06-26-2016 23:12
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Nothing says "I'm way more confident than I should be" quite like men over 35 wearing Hollister tees and seashell necklaces.
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06-26-2016 23:09
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My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie.
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06-26-2016 23:06
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Did you know people writing 1700's on all their checks was a problem most Americans faced in 1800.
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06-26-2016 23:04
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Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?
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06-26-2016 23:02
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Life from the 1800's, my whole family died of diarrhea last night.
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06-26-2016 23:02
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Find an angry person at the bookstore. You can't.
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06-26-2016 22:52
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