Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1256 of 6383
"Taco Bell isn't even real Mexican food." Hey!!! I'm not going for an authentic Mexican cuisine. I'm going because I'm broke and like tacos.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 15:16
Comments (0)
Dear bill collectors, I know I still owe you....but I have some GOOD NEWS!!! I typed "Amen" on a Facebook post, and in 48 hours, I will get a TON of money. So, when I get it, I will pay you.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 15:12
Comments (0)
I'm a huge fan of screaming "You're welcome" really loud when people don't say thank you...
←Rate |
05-01-2016 15:09
Comments (0)
Laying in bed in the middle of the night trying to decide if it's worth it to get up and pee or if you can hold it in until the morning....
←Rate |
05-01-2016 15:06
Comments (0)
If you take Trump seriously, I assumed you weren't hugged enough as a child. Probably not getting enough sex as an adult either.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 15:02
Comments (0)
If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes, it wasn't you who decided to have sex.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 15:00
Comments (0)
Interesting Fact: People who say "Suck my genitals".....95% women and 5% men.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 14:56
Comments (0)
Being gay is ok. Being bisexual is ok. Being transgender is ok. Being straight is ok. Wearing crocs....no f*cking ok.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 14:54
Comments (0)
It's English, not 'American English'. There is no such thing as 'American English', there is English and there are people who don't know how to speak or write English.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 14:42
Comments (0)
I'll see your happy endings and raise you a lifetime filled with fabulous moments. Your call!
←Rate |
05-01-2016 10:10
Comments (0)
They're called 'selfies' because the only one who's interested in them is yourself.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 10:06
Comments (0)
Maybe she's born with spit. Maybe it's Vaseline.
←Rate |
05-01-2016 06:45 by Nipper
Comments (0)
Cinco De Mayo,Celebrated more in the Southwest than in Mexico, Because there is MORE Freedom in America where they are trespassing than in the country Mexico where they came from. But constantly complain that the US is not enough like Mexico
←Rate |
05-01-2016 02:06
Comments (0)
....... Why do illegal Mexican trespassers wave the Mexican Flag at protests in America but refuse to live in their home country of Mexico ....
←Rate |
04-30-2016 22:39
Comments (2)
I got kicked out of Subway again for NOT talking on my iPhone when ordering a sandwich
←Rate |
04-30-2016 18:43 by Snotty
Comments (0)
You want to get the PERFECT body, it's easy... 😮 Walk up hill, a lot.. & only eat meat. 👍........ *Sponsored by Ed's hillwalking & meats Ltd
←Rate |
04-30-2016 18:38 by Snotty
Comments (0)
20s: Sure, I'll take the floor... 30s: The floor? No, But I'll sleep on the couch.... 40s: What thread count are your sheets?
←Rate |
04-30-2016 18:25 by Snotty
Comments (0)
I'm always amazed at how eating 2lbs of chocolate can make you gain 7lbs.
←Rate |
04-30-2016 18:21 by Snotty
Comments (0)
I've been to jail twice this week. So if you're into bad boys get at me. But not tonight cause I have knitting class.
←Rate |
04-30-2016 17:53
Comments (0)
Just wondering, will there be any Transgendered bathrooms at the Republican National Convention this summer?
←Rate |
04-30-2016 16:23
Comments (0)