Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you judge me by my before coffee state of mind, we can't be friends
←Rate | 06-28-2016 14:14 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Right now the most stable currency in the UK is the Cadbury Creme Egg.
←Rate | 06-28-2016 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money aside, what do you wish you had more of?All the money that you've pushed to the side
←Rate | 06-28-2016 13:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... Everyone has that one person in their life that is lucky to be alive and is only still breathing because you can't afford a hit-man ...
←Rate | 06-27-2016 22:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
←Rate | 06-27-2016 19:32 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest
←Rate | 06-27-2016 11:15 by Miguel Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever been so juiced you started speaking fluent Ozzy Osbourne?
←Rate | 06-27-2016 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All aboard the disoriented express.....
←Rate | 06-27-2016 09:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...... Liberals to the Left of me .... Republicans to the right ...... Here I am ..... Stuck in the middle with you ......
←Rate | 06-27-2016 00:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wookies to the left of me, Ewoks to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle of Endor with you...
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If MTV landed on the moon again, would people even care?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Miss those 90's thrillers when the bomb clock was still analog and only had three wires.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before mowing the lawn I always spend an hour pricing goats on the internet.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I'm way more confident than I should be" quite like men over 35 wearing Hollister tees and seashell necklaces.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know people writing 1700's on all their checks was a problem most Americans faced in 1800.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life from the 1800's, my whole family died of diarrhea last night.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Find an angry person at the bookstore. You can't.
←Rate | 06-26-2016 22:52 Comments (0)  




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