Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1236 of 6446

   messageicon This status was written and copyrighted in America, stolen by the Chinese, and re-branded. But I was able to get it for a really good deal on EBay. Just took like a month to get here.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 22:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... I think we should all vote for Pedro and all our wildest dreams will come true .....
←Rate | 07-10-2016 21:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Trump builds a wall do the gays get to decorate it?
←Rate | 07-10-2016 20:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm almost positive that Mona Lisa is smiling because she just passed gas and got away with it.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 20:33 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dod you know, Clinton's yoga emails are code for how she got Nickelback's ancestors together on the Titanic lifeboat.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having more RT's than likes is the social media unicorn.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Jurassic World, they were able to train raptors. Still not as impressive as the Flintstones convincing a bird to be their record player.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you enjoy loud wails, eating dinner cold, unexpected slime, and not showering properly for days....Smile! You're a Parent.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calm down people who smile for no reason....
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a bottle pops in the club and no one posts an Instagram video of it does it make a sound?
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just want to be rich enough to sort by price from high to low.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "That guy in the salmon colored shorts is getting laid tonight." -Said no woman ever
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We didn't have child safety seats when I was young. My Dad would put a couple of us in the trunk if it meant not taking two cars.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Only my life matters." -Donald Trump
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says come at me like high waisted jorts and sensible sneakers.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's bad enough I have to worry about people when I leave my house now I have to contend with Pokemon as well.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why I Hate Talking: I was trapped in a conversation about the pros & cons of sea salt vs land salt.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Based on recent history of opening a Capri Sun, I don't feel like I'd be able to stab a zombie during the apocalypse.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sure I don't trust CNN or Fox News but this new website I never heard of with your radical views, I'll believe your legitimacy.
←Rate | 07-10-2016 19:16 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left