Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Local Japanese-American cultural center begins charging $28 admission when Rare Holographic Mewtwo found in WWII exhibit...

   I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn't work here.

   If HRC is elected as President, they will rename "Air Force One" to "Broomstick One."

   My friend asked me if I'd ever be ready to go to a nudist colony. "Mate... I was born ready".

   Anyone know what happens when you mix up your recipes with your receipts? No? Well I'm not going into too much detail but I just ate my f@ck!ng work boots. . .

   .... Bernie endorsed Hillary! #FeelTheTurn

   Problem with voting for Trump is that you don't know what you're going to get. Problem with Hillary is that you do.

   When Attorney General Loretta Lynch was testifying in court about her secret meeting with Hillary's husband, I was struck by the irony of the fact that she was appointed Attorney General to arrest people like Loretta Lynch.

   Pokemon Lives Matter

   I thought that Pokemon Go was a facebook app that encourages Jamaicans to use the Poke feature.

   Coworker: I have an announcement to make. We are expecting twins. Me: Congrats on having 2 kids with the same father!

   Pokemon Go - Showing how easy it is to get sheep to follow.

   Kat Denning's b00bs are the life preservers which save 2 Broke Girls.

   You know you had a long 14hr night at work, when driving home you have to swerve to miss a tree,. Then realize it's an air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror.

   Hillary sucks

   Lazy rule #1: Can't reach it. Don't need it.

   Just got up to go to the bathroom and realised I left my work ID swipe card in my jacket. Found the jacket, checked the pockets. Found it. Then realised I didn't need my swipe ID to use the bathroom AT MY HOUSE....😑

   Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

   Should eat more fruit flavored things like blue raspberry slush. I've never even see a blue raspberry because they are very rare.

   The weather today was good enough for me to feel ashamed about my body.