BEGO Funny Status Messages

   The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

   It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

   I'm not single. I'm in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   If you see a profile pic with 1 fat girl and 1 pretty girl and can't figure out who's profile it is, make no mistakes… it's the fat one's.

   World Population Rank: 1.China 2.India 3.Facebook 4.USA 5.MySpace 6.Indonesia 7.Brazil 8.Twitter

   This just in... Apple has just hired LeBron James to fix the iPhone signal problem!

   When I'm bored, nobody texts me, but when I'm busy, my phone blows up.

   "Do you have a cell phone?" You might as well be asking me if I have a pulse.

   Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.

   I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

   Dear Humans, We have called off the apocalypse after realizing that there are no brains left. Sincerely, Zombies.

   Dear Mr. Chip bag thank you for telling me that 23 peices equal one serving. However, I need clarification on the exact size of your standard chip. Perhaps a life size picture on the bag would help.

   Facebook blocked at work. 2012 has come much earlier than anticipated.

   When I was little, I wanted to be a UPS man when I grew up because they get to drive around all day with no doors. Now I'm really glad my car has doors.

   If you didn't have my number before you broke, lost, or got a new phone, don't invite me to your "new phone need numbers" group on Facebook. You just make me feel like a jerk when I ignore it

   How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

   It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

   Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills…making the last car payment.

   I love watching two girls meet each other. It's easily the most fake thing I have ever seen.