Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Talk about negative calorie foods, I expended more energy trying to open my string cheese than I derived from eating it.

   so apparently being " A Kid At Heart" does not apply when it comes to Pokemon go. Pshh...Please. I'm a grown A** Man. now where did I leave my Xbox contoller

   Sir, That is not a Pokemon in the car behind you with those flashing lights ... It's a cop so pull over.

   Pokemon is the Japanese word for Revenge.

   Who needs coffee when you can meet up for jagerbombs on a Thursday morning.

   There are only two seasons in America: Flu and Mosquito.

   Gnomes Favorite Song: I'm Sexy and I Gnome It.

   Awesome Fact: All baseball players are bilingual they speak English and profanity.

   I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitos.

   Coming This Fall On HBO: Game of Loans. Move over medieval times, it's university life at it's finest in 2016.

   Final Brexit tally is in: 48% Sense and Sensibility, 52% Pride and Prejudice.

   If a Canadian falls in the forest and no one is around, does he still apologize?

   At least we Americans can feel better today knowing Canada's national animal is a rodent.

   Maybe broccoli doesn't like you either....

   Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt, people write on walls and worship cats.

   Whitesplaining: To paternalistically lecture people of color as to what is and isn't racism which ironically reveals racism.

   Holy Crap ..... I just found a Pokemon in my Toilet!!!

   I must have an amazing Butt because every time I walk away from someone they say ... "What an ass."

   If I were of Chinese descend and a multi Millionaire. I would change my name to Cha Ching. . .

   This is a shout out, to those of you on the toilet right now reading this... Have a good dump. Seriously.