Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everyone is playing Pokemon again, Blink 182 has a #1 song, a Clinton is running for President, Tarzan is in theaters. Welcome to 2001.

   If you're complaining about kids playing a game outside while sitting on your a$$ judging people on the internet, you probably need to re-evaluate your priorities.

   I thought I was in a bad mood but its been a few years so I guess this is who I am now.

   Just like a bunch of brown NBA players to blame the cops when a brutha breaks the law...

   I can't be bothered to download Pokemon GO. So I just threw a basketball at my next door neighbor's rabbit.

   "Sorry, that last text was intended for my wife" is one text I never want to have to send... again.

   Life Hack: Send your boss an email that says " Suck my A$$" and you wont have to go to work the next.

   A belated congrats to the Sham Wow people for having the balls to sell a product on TV with the word "sham" in the name.

   A great trick to play is after a long and intimate texts with your girlfriend, end with "Who is this?"

   Bill Cosby replaces defense team. The original one is unsure why; they inexplicably fell asleep & when they woke he was gone.

   Theresa May replaced David Cameron as UK's new Prime Minister. Finally someone with balls will run the country.

   Lies Told A Lot: "I didn't know anything." -Joe Paterno

   Next Food Trend: Looking up from your smart phones while you eat.

   there a Pokemon Stop? I'll get that one.

   Trying to decide between Best Pumbling Service and Superior Plumbing Service. Which do you think is better?

   Hillary made a deal with Bernie to get his endorsement. Translation: Hillary bought Bernie a suit from his favorite clothing store -- Sears.

   Found On Sale At Walmart: Hillary's Wall Street speeches, only $249,999.99 each.

   Donald Trump is having Tim Tebow speak at the Republican National Convention. I'm confused. I thought he didn't like losers.

   Half the world is in a race war and the other half is running around catching Pokemon with their phones, and I'm just sitting here on my couch waiting for football season.

   The world is falling apart, yet there are m0r0ns chasing Pokemon characters all around town. Where's the comet already.