Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The law of attraction is you will lick someone where they pee. . .

   Never had much use for a knight in shining armor but a fine looking man in a pair of Levis....that's a whole 'nother tale.

   be smart, pretend to be stupid!

   I just got my ancestry.com DNA test back! So excited!!! Turns out I'm 61% Italian, 15% Irish, 10% Greek and 14% Alcohol.... Not bad for a Thursday morning!

   50 lbs of fruit flavored candy must be good for me right?

   The real question now is what are all these kids going to do with the Bernie tattoos? Maybe Hillary should offer a removal fee forgiveness plan....

   Hillary Clinton is the first person who identifies as a female to become the presumptive Democrat Party nominee. Although Bernie ran as a close second.

   .... The Older I get the meaner I get .... I'm pretty sure within the next few years I'll be biting people.

   Somebody please remind me who founded the Klan before uneducated accusations are made.

   That Judge was associated with the Mexican activist group "La Raza" Dummy and yes you do join that group.

   Let's face it folks. Time for a real "CHANGE" Voting for trump is a no brainer. Don't you think he'll have the right people in place as President. Like Earl Pitts says, "WAKE UP AMERICA"

   .... It turns out that Hillary Clinton has 21 media advocates on her campaign payroll. Isn't that kinda like having 21 Used car salesmen hired to sell one car?

   The chances of me going to a party increases 100% if they have a dog.

   They give you a poker chip when you reach 6 months clean in Gambler's Anonymous.

   When I want to trim down my friend's Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.

   Canadian Birthday Traditions: Apologizing for the candles being so hot.

   Here's hoping Kanye's next surprise cancellation will be "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

   Here's hopeing Kanye's next surprise cancellation will be "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

   I'd give my wife my coat if she's cold but I'll take it back if I become cold and maybe she'll be prepared next time we go out.

   Your popularity in High School will translate well into the real world!!!