Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm not difficult but my Wi-Fi password has more characters than an Avengers movie.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've watched all of Mr. Robot season one and I gotta say this is the absolute worst adaptation of a Styx song.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not difficult but I'd prefer it if you washed your hands again before shaking mine.
←Rate | 07-26-2016 02:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hula Hoops were once banned in Japan for causing "obscene movements".
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no masculine way to eat a lollipop.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Medical researchers have found that 100 percent of lab rats exposed to oxygen have eventually died.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love hot yoga because it's over 100 degrees with someone yelling at you. It's like growing up Italian in Florida.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I now consider sitting in a quiet car as a good night out.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A grown man was wearing a Minions shirt that said "I'm here to annoy you." Mission accomplished.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: Hula Hoops were once banned in Japan for causing "obscene movements".
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dying by a 'terrible accident' is the nicest way of saying 'sneezed while doing blow off a switchblade, in the back of a van'.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let my Tinder dates know I'm a bad boy by showing them the comments teachers left on my school reports.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you eat a dozen donuts quickly enough you can feel your soul hug you.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids today are socially awkward because of their phones. I don't need a phone for that...I have all organic, farm fresh, free range anxiety.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Dad: People overcome adversity all the time son... Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:09 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *points to wrist* this is my Fitbit. *points to rest of body* this is my fatbit.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 22:09 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a Go Fund Me Account so I can afford Avocado on all my sandwiches
←Rate | 07-25-2016 20:01 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, law enforcement. Arrest and question every black guy with dreads. I have a hunch.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 16:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.
←Rate | 07-25-2016 16:10 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon So .... The DNC Chairiwoman "Debbie Wasserman Schultz" was forced to resign over PROOF of Corruption .... And is IMMEDIATELY Hired by the Hillary Clinton campaign ...... That kinda tells ya something about Hillary doesn't it!!!!
←Rate | 07-25-2016 14:24 Comments (0)  




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