Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1210 of 6447

It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name.
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07-27-2016 16:42
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94% sure that the band Live still holds the record for singing about placenta in the opening of a song.
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07-27-2016 16:42
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If you want help moving I can only assume you're not an adult. Adults hire movers.
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07-27-2016 16:40
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Really hate to lose my Ashley Madison password. It's not like I can just ask my wife to help me find it.
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07-27-2016 16:39
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Trump DOES NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS, BUT the wall is a good F_ing start.
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07-27-2016 16:05
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A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business".
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07-27-2016 13:22
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I don't know what bothers me most...Hillary's pantsuits, her voice, or that her d*ck is bigger than my boyfriend's.
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07-27-2016 11:27 by Samantha
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The reason for this massive heat wave in the States is that we have two of Satans biggest spawns running for president.
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07-27-2016 11:02
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Bill Clinton also woke up in a White House built by sl@ves. Okay, Monica didn't actually build it nor was she a sl@ve, well sorta...
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07-27-2016 10:40 by Fazzella
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The more I interact with humans, the more I hate humans.
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07-27-2016 09:02
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Did you know that babies lose very little weight in jogging strollers.
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07-27-2016 03:46
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Interior designers say your home should have a theme. Mine is toys on the floor of every room, paired with piles of laundry as focal points.
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07-27-2016 03:44
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All my horoscopes lately have started with “Ok, don’t freak out but…”
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07-27-2016 03:40
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My least favorite animal is the one that’s attacking me.
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07-27-2016 03:38
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Can you get financial aid for dating?
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07-27-2016 03:37
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My credit score has a McDonald's application stapled to it.
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07-27-2016 03:35
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Dogs act pretty tough for someone who's afraid of cotton balls.
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07-27-2016 03:34
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Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? Well....when they stopped putting Skittles in the break room vending machine.
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07-27-2016 03:32
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Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
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07-27-2016 03:30
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Major League Baseball games will soon be aired on Twitter. Tampa Bay Rays games, however, will be relegated to MySpace.
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07-27-2016 03:24
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