Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1210 of 6446

Dogs act pretty tough for someone who's afraid of cotton balls.
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07-27-2016 03:34
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Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? Well....when they stopped putting Skittles in the break room vending machine.
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07-27-2016 03:32
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Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake.
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07-27-2016 03:30
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Major League Baseball games will soon be aired on Twitter. Tampa Bay Rays games, however, will be relegated to MySpace.
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07-27-2016 03:24
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Question -- What night is the swimsuit competition at the DNC?
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07-27-2016 03:22
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The NFL has cleared Peyton Manning of doing steroids so he won't have to sit out the first 4 games of his retirement.
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07-27-2016 03:19
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Monica Lewinsky was asked if this was Bill Clinton's best speech ever. She said, "Close but no cigar".
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07-27-2016 00:08
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People who swear a lot tend to be more honest, upfront, and loyal with their friends, partners and family. I find this fact offensive.
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07-26-2016 20:19
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That one way trip to Mars isn't looking so bad these days....
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07-26-2016 20:18
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Remember when we willingly bought mustard color clothes?
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07-26-2016 20:16
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Larry David is somewhere sheading a tear that he won't be playing Bernie Sanders for the next 4 years on SNL.
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07-26-2016 20:15
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May I have your attention please. May I have your attention. Will all Bernie supporters form a SINGLE FILE line and follow Chet Lemming to the safe place room. Please move QUIETLY
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07-26-2016 19:25
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Kevin Durant will still hear chants of MVP every night, they just won't be for him...
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07-26-2016 18:08
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Michael Brown's Mother is set to speak at the DNC tonight. Now I wasn't going to watch anymore of this crap, but I don't think that I'll be able to look away from this inevitable train wreck.
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07-26-2016 16:44 by John Y
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TV psychic Ms Cleo had died from cancer, probably never saw it coming.
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07-26-2016 15:05
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Meditation helps me block out distractions and focus on what's important. I recommend it for anyone who wants to step up their napping game.
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07-26-2016 14:32
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When I was your age my Dad got you lost, not Siri.
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07-26-2016 14:31
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When any woman says, "That garbage can is full" she isn't challenging me to fit more in. She means empty the garbage.
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07-26-2016 14:29
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Think fate is telling me to sell my Yahoo! stock.
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07-26-2016 14:28
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Here’s the complete A to Z guide to understanding the enhancements to every new iPhone: It has a better camera.
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07-26-2016 14:27
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