Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1209 of 6383
...... Yes sir, your background check came back just fine .... But I gotta see you eat some Bacon first or it's a no sale.
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06-16-2016 15:39
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Here's a bright idea ..... How about coming up with some Comprehensive Common Sense Terrorist Control instead of the same old talking points?
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06-16-2016 12:33
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OK. Who was the genius that decided to call them Killer Whales and not Sea Pandas?
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06-16-2016 11:45
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It was probably an Islamic alligator.
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06-16-2016 10:46
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A gorilla is killed in a zoo, Facebook blows up! A 2 year old gets killed by an alligator, I've seen one post in two days...Yup, that's the society we live in!
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06-16-2016 10:14
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If Hillary is elected president I am moving to Canada. . .
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06-16-2016 09:42 by JAB
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If the POS dont represent islam, then the POS doesnt represent gun owners either dumba$$
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06-16-2016 09:40
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If you "have to meet with the NRA to discuss whether people on the terrorist watch list should be able to buy guns", then that's a case of the tail wagging the dog and you are showing you are owned by the gun lobby.
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06-16-2016 08:24
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I heard Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.
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06-16-2016 08:12 by Psycho
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The bad news is: An Alligator swallowed your child. The good news is: We're gonna comp you Free Family passes to Disneyworld
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06-16-2016 07:55
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If people try to tell you money doesn't buy happiness - they're wrong. It does.
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06-16-2016 03:11
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Plans for St. Patrick's Day next year involve putting green dye into some corona's, sitting in my room alone, and watching Supernatural.
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06-16-2016 03:08
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T-Rexs can't scratch their stomachs, it's a major design flaw.
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06-16-2016 03:04
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It's offically summer when white girls start counting the days until pumpkin lattes return to Starbucks.
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06-16-2016 02:22
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Kanye West is disappointed to find "You're So Vain" wasn't about himself.
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06-16-2016 02:18
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Splenda if it's a girl, Stevia if it's a boy.
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06-16-2016 02:16
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Other kids grew up watching SpongeBob. I watched The West Wing.
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06-16-2016 02:15
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The worst part about being newly single is definitely finding a place to hide the body.
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06-16-2016 02:13
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Hillary Clinton promises to wear a Chewbecca mask in public to improve her polling numbers.
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06-16-2016 02:08
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You unfriended me on Facebook because I didn't wish you a Happy Birthday on FB? That's a little harsh Mom.
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06-16-2016 02:06
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