Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Nobody on Instagram wants to see your text messages.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want a man cave, but for women. Still stocked in video games, booze, license plates, and awesome stuff on the wall but with a scented candle.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last date I had she got KFC grease on my car seats.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm still waiting for the ability to call the car in front of me & tell the driver to pull her head out of his ass... Where are we on this technology?
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:34 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me At Job Interview: "And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?"
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll see you and your popcorn ceiling in Hell!!!
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the moon is made of cheese why aren't stars made of crackers?
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lindsay Lohan already registered her unborn baby in AA.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sesame Street fired 3 of its human actors. Don't say Donald Trump didn't warn us about good American jobs going to Muppets.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bill O'Reilly has a good point. I mean, without slavery, some of those people could have ended working for a monster like Bill O'Reilly.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reagan's shooter, John Hinckley Jr., to be released, I assume it's just in case Trump gets elected.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 20:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It would be nice if Mexicans took some initiative and MadeMexicoGreatAgain
←Rate | 07-28-2016 19:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not the heat, it's the humidity...That's just dumb, and it shows your stupidity!
←Rate | 07-28-2016 16:33 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having fun driving the OCD girls on FB crazy who poke back in a nano second and will keep doing it till I stop.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 14:29 by Clem Diddlyiscious Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im must not be a very good dancer. The last time I was dancing, someone jabbed me with an EpiPen
←Rate | 07-28-2016 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 11:34 by udit Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking it's definitely a case of the tail wagging the dog here.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Soimeone tossed me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit. I threw a trash can over it til it was dead....
←Rate | 07-28-2016 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: "I just watched the new Snooki music video" is not a valid excuse to call in sick.
←Rate | 07-28-2016 07:19 Comments (0)  




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