Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1207 of 6446

Nobody on Instagram wants to see your text messages.
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07-28-2016 20:47
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I want a man cave, but for women. Still stocked in video games, booze, license plates, and awesome stuff on the wall but with a scented candle.
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07-28-2016 20:46
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Last date I had she got KFC grease on my car seats.
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07-28-2016 20:42
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On a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.
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07-28-2016 20:42
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I'm still waiting for the ability to call the car in front of me & tell the driver to pull her head out of his ass... Where are we on this technology?
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07-28-2016 20:34 by Snotty
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Me At Job Interview: "And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?"
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07-28-2016 20:19
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I'll see you and your popcorn ceiling in Hell!!!
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07-28-2016 20:18
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If the moon is made of cheese why aren't stars made of crackers?
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07-28-2016 20:15
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Lindsay Lohan already registered her unborn baby in AA.
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07-28-2016 20:14
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Sesame Street fired 3 of its human actors. Don't say Donald Trump didn't warn us about good American jobs going to Muppets.
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07-28-2016 20:14
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Bill O'Reilly has a good point. I mean, without slavery, some of those people could have ended working for a monster like Bill O'Reilly.
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07-28-2016 20:11
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Reagan's shooter, John Hinckley Jr., to be released, I assume it's just in case Trump gets elected.
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07-28-2016 20:10
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It would be nice if Mexicans took some initiative and MadeMexicoGreatAgain
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07-28-2016 19:10
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It's not the heat, it's the humidity...That's just dumb, and it shows your stupidity!
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07-28-2016 16:33 by John Y
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Having fun driving the OCD girls on FB crazy who poke back in a nano second and will keep doing it till I stop.

Im must not be a very good dancer. The last time I was dancing, someone jabbed me with an EpiPen
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07-28-2016 12:41
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My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
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07-28-2016 11:34 by udit
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Thinking it's definitely a case of the tail wagging the dog here.
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07-28-2016 11:15
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Soimeone tossed me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit. I threw a trash can over it til it was dead....
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07-28-2016 10:38
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FYI: "I just watched the new Snooki music video" is not a valid excuse to call in sick.
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07-28-2016 07:19
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