Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1207 of 6446

So Hillary's VP plays harmonica. That's all we need. More blowing in the Oval Office.
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07-29-2016 09:31 by Fazzella
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My hobbies include reciting the side effects of artificial sweeteners during meals and maintaining a robust dislike of everything around me.
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07-29-2016 01:12
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I saw a totally hot MILF spank her child today at McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground. So I threw my fries on the ground....!!!
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07-29-2016 01:11
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If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
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07-29-2016 00:58
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It's been 3 years since I gave myself 1year to live after self diagnosing on WebMD and I'm still here defying the odds everyone. WINNING!
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07-28-2016 22:06 by Snotty
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The first and last time that I went to Comic Con was when the guy at the costume store sold me a Catwoman costume telling me it was CatMan.
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07-28-2016 20:53
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I just want someone to look at me like I look at bubble wrap.
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07-28-2016 20:52
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"I've never seen The Notebook or a single episode of Grey's Anatomy." -Me, flirting
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07-28-2016 20:51
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Pleasant, 40ish, female seeks zany caper. Skills include the ability to identify ideas that are so crazy, they just might work.
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07-28-2016 20:50
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Only god, my parents, the court system, our government, my coworkers, that cute starbucks guy, and the rest of the world can judge me....
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07-28-2016 20:49
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Nobody on Instagram wants to see your text messages.
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07-28-2016 20:47
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I want a man cave, but for women. Still stocked in video games, booze, license plates, and awesome stuff on the wall but with a scented candle.
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07-28-2016 20:46
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Last date I had she got KFC grease on my car seats.
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07-28-2016 20:42
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On a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.
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07-28-2016 20:42
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I'm still waiting for the ability to call the car in front of me & tell the driver to pull her head out of his ass... Where are we on this technology?
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07-28-2016 20:34 by Snotty
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Me At Job Interview: "And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?"
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07-28-2016 20:19
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I'll see you and your popcorn ceiling in Hell!!!
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07-28-2016 20:18
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If the moon is made of cheese why aren't stars made of crackers?
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07-28-2016 20:15
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Lindsay Lohan already registered her unborn baby in AA.
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07-28-2016 20:14
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Sesame Street fired 3 of its human actors. Don't say Donald Trump didn't warn us about good American jobs going to Muppets.
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07-28-2016 20:14
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