g0re Funny Status Messages

   My dad never loved me as a child, you can't really blame him though I wasn't born until he was an adult.

   It's funny to hear someone talk normally and then all of a sudden throw in a huge word. EX: "Yo, dude I was walking down the street with my bro and suddenly this hot girl walks by and I was like, 'Damn, that ass is quite prepossessing.'".

   If Apple created the iHouse, it wouldn't have any Window.

   Before looking for intelligent life on planets found in other solar systems, maybe we should look for it on our own planet..

   (on facebook) Friend 1: ugh, I feel so crap I hate my life. Friend 2: aww babe whats wrong??. Friend 1: inbox? Friend 2: yeah okay. Rest of us: well f*ck you then.

   Who needs dementors to suck out your soul when Mondays exist.

   It's really annoying when people tell you to be yourself, just as you're about to turn into a lamp.

   Where my knickers at? Oh wait, they're just chillin' with my britches

   Only people with sh!tty video cameras and shaky hands can see UFOs.

   The best kind of laughter, is laughing so hard it's silent.

   Fun fact: If you took the skin of an average person and laid it flat you would have enough to get a pretty serious criminal conviction.

   Nothing says you almost got caught watching porn like staring at an empty Google search bar..

   Blood is thicker then water, but maple syrup is thicker then blood. Therefore pancakes are more important than family

   The best way to end an argument is to let your opponent scream out a statement and reply by throwing up your hands and saying, "That's exactly what I've been trying to tell you!" and then walking away.

   Erasers can be your best friend and be like "Oh hey, you need this erased? No problem, I got you." While other times, they can be like"OH HEY I THINK YOUR PAPER NEEDS A SMUDGE RIGHT HERE, LET ME TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU".

   Cool thing to do: Read the ingredients of something a friend is eating then stop midway and ask something like"What is Ar-se-nic? Did I say it right?".

   Accidentally mixed my I can't believe it's not butter with my real butter. Now I don't know what to believe..

   Sometimes, when you're having a sh!tty day and you're really stressed out, all it takes is something small, like stubbing your toe, having your printer malfunction, or losing your scissors, to make you break down in tears and lose all hope.

   Friends are like bananas. If you peel back their skin, and eat them, they wil die.

   It's annoying when people take an unattractive quality they have and try to make it sound cute. "Umm I'm kind of a control freak. Like, I just REALLY like things my way. Ahaha(((:" B!tch shut up.