Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I wonder if Sarah Palin can see the Olympics from her house.

   I like to punish people who ask me how I'm doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.

   Side chicks are always more excited about Valentine's Day than everyone else because for them, its as close as they will ever get to a wedding.

   It should be a rule that if you're going to put you kid on a leash, you can't be mad if someone walks up, asks if they bite, and pets them

   Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?

   People leave, so I keep their voodoo dolls.

   Stop slapping my ass, said no woman ever.

   It's amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.

   My girlfriend wanted a Cinderella-themed birthday party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my place!

   Kanye: Hey baby you wanna role play? Kim: Sure, that sounds super hot! Kanye: Ok, you be Kanye West

   Neighbour kisses his wife before he leaves for work. My wife asked why I don’t do the same thing. I said I always do and that’s how the fight started

   Ladies, instead of asking, “Do these jeans make my ass look big?” you should ask, “Does this fat make my jeans look big?”

   Excuse me but my Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open right now.

   Its called KARMA and its pronounced "Ha ha you got served what you deserve"

   ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool.

   Love yourself, just don’t do it in public. There are laws against that type of behavior.

   A restraining order is kinda like a love note right?

   Fun ways to hurt yourself: 1. Throwing yourself down stairs, 2. Punching yourself in the face, 3. Talking to your ex.

   If the 'D' stands for death, then yes, my Wife REALLY wants my 'D'.

   Lawyers do this cute little thing where they say "retainer fee" but they really mean "BJ".