Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Of course I play volleyball. In fact I’m very good at it. Just give me the damn racket and I show yow you...
←Rate | 08-04-2016 03:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 319 million people in the US and somehow after an exhaustive search we ended up with Trump and Hillary! So .... I guess if you want a leader that is full of corruption and deceit you know which one to vote for. Or vote for the other one.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 23:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Ladies we have no interest in how nice you dress or what your bodies look like, ..... We are only interested in your Brains" ......... Sincerely Yours .... Zombies
←Rate | 08-03-2016 22:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump Unfit? Obama entered office without any successful executive experience .... and after Eight Years in Office ..... Will leave .... in the same way .....
←Rate | 08-03-2016 22:21 Comments (2)  


   messageicon When I meet a woman, I don't care where she works, what she likes to eat, who she's been dating or been married to. I wanna know if we start seeing each other, how long before I no longer have to hold in my f@rts.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 16:59 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Whispers "we should run away together" while petting the neighbor's dog*
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The right 1980's power ballad makes everything better.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a 'Do To' list, it's like a To Do list but filled with malicious intent.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some memories hurt. Like that one time I used a plate as a frisbee.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you hate when you're in bed cuddling yourself and then your hand starts getting frisky when you're not in the mood?
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What doesn't kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you're getting old when the price of tomatoes intrigues you.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Writing silly jokes here instead of calling my parents to find out how they've been these past 3 months. Am I still in the running for the Child Of The Year award?
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dinner by candlelight: for her it's romantic, for me it's about shadow puppets.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're only as stupid as the idiot you're arguing with....
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never force my child into religion. When the right time comes, I'll explain to him/her the differences, and then he/she can choose between Star Trek and Star Wars.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's okay password, I'm insecure too...
←Rate | 08-03-2016 11:55 by Rich McC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Antibiotics could be considered a performance enhancing drug at this year's Olympics.
←Rate | 08-03-2016 11:21 Comments (0)  




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