Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1199 of 6446

Of course I play volleyball. In fact I’m very good at it. Just give me the damn racket and I show yow you...
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08-04-2016 03:59
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319 million people in the US and somehow after an exhaustive search we ended up with Trump and Hillary! So .... I guess if you want a leader that is full of corruption and deceit you know which one to vote for. Or vote for the other one.
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08-03-2016 23:22
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"Ladies we have no interest in how nice you dress or what your bodies look like, ..... We are only interested in your Brains" ......... Sincerely Yours .... Zombies
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08-03-2016 22:58
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Trump Unfit? Obama entered office without any successful executive experience .... and after Eight Years in Office ..... Will leave .... in the same way .....
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08-03-2016 22:21
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When I meet a woman, I don't care where she works, what she likes to eat, who she's been dating or been married to. I wanna know if we start seeing each other, how long before I no longer have to hold in my f@rts.
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08-03-2016 16:59 by Fazzella
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*Whispers "we should run away together" while petting the neighbor's dog*
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08-03-2016 15:40
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The right 1980's power ballad makes everything better.
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08-03-2016 15:39
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My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
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08-03-2016 15:38
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So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?
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08-03-2016 15:38
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I have a 'Do To' list, it's like a To Do list but filled with malicious intent.
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08-03-2016 15:36
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Some memories hurt. Like that one time I used a plate as a frisbee.
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08-03-2016 15:35
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Don't you hate when you're in bed cuddling yourself and then your hand starts getting frisky when you're not in the mood?
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08-03-2016 15:34
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"What doesn't kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
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08-03-2016 15:33
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You know you're getting old when the price of tomatoes intrigues you.
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08-03-2016 15:33
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Writing silly jokes here instead of calling my parents to find out how they've been these past 3 months. Am I still in the running for the Child Of The Year award?
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08-03-2016 15:32
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Dinner by candlelight: for her it's romantic, for me it's about shadow puppets.
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08-03-2016 15:30
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You're only as stupid as the idiot you're arguing with....
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08-03-2016 15:29
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I'll never force my child into religion. When the right time comes, I'll explain to him/her the differences, and then he/she can choose between Star Trek and Star Wars.
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08-03-2016 15:22
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It's okay password, I'm insecure too...
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08-03-2016 11:55 by Rich McC
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Antibiotics could be considered a performance enhancing drug at this year's Olympics.
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08-03-2016 11:21
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