snotty Funny Status Messages

   WebMD Says I have the hypochondria

   I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."

   I'm guessing that the end of Cowboys Vs. Aliens is predictable. Tony romo buckles under the pressure & throws an interception to the aliens

   Look officer,,, I commit like a pantload of crimes every single day,, So you're going to have to be A LOT more specific.

   Wait a second ... Water parks have restrooms ... For what?!

   Hey,, people who buy just 1-ply toilet paper at grocery stores,, Are you trying to quit??

   I refused to allow my doctor to diagnose me with OCD.. Acronyms must contain an even number of letters.

   I'm beginning to think that "love" really doesn't mean much to tennis players...

   I just had a big lunch at Taco Bell... Now I'm off to the woods to prove a point.......... :Yogi Bear

   SCAM ALERT: If someone emails claiming to be your dad in heaven and needing $700 to pay a "be alive again fee".... t's a scammer not your dad.

   I'm sorry,,, But we need to find a way to somehow combine "Shark Week" and "New Years" into one event..

   My daughter just told me when she grows up she wants to live in Kentucky and grow a whole field of ham... My God.

   *Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat,,, not two cats in one.

   Hey Holidays,,,, either start later or get more songs.

   "Angry bowel Syndrome" May not be the MOST prevailent disease to get celebrity attention and special ribbon,,, But it is pushing to be #2

   Good thing my car has cruise control because I'm feeling pretty sleepy.

   How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words

   Can dogs have onion?... Cause I gave my dog an onion four years ago,,, and now my internet's acting up

   Hey,,, That's a cool race car bed,, kid.. Maybe someday you can be like me and sleep in a real car...

   I just KNOW this fly is up to something,,,, I see him sittin there, rubbing his arms together.... Plotting