Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The Cub's fired the sound guy for playing "smack my btich up" but kept the guy who actually smacked his btich up!!
←Rate | 08-15-2016 17:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... Hillary Clinton has released her position on Trade....... She will Trade Political Favors for Money.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are Pumas wearing shirts with Usain Bolt's likeness on them.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 14:30 by HotTea Comments (0)  


   messageicon currently in the county jail trying to explain to the man in uniform that I was playing pokemon, trying to catch a pikachu when he caught me looking in your window.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 12:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey parents: I haven't seen one medal awarded at the Olympics for participation.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It costs you nothing to pay someone a compliment. Be nice to someone today. Kindness is contagious.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 12:30 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that "Go hang a salami, Doc! Note; I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod. I’m a lasagna hog." is a palindrome? You do now.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 10:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife : "What's the big deal with Usain Bolt finishing in under 10 seconds? You do that all the time."
←Rate | 08-15-2016 09:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't say something nice, go write a YouTube comment.
←Rate | 08-15-2016 06:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Usain Bolt is the world's fastest man, but if they had a sex olympics my husband would be in the hunt for the title.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 21:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jesus' Greatest Miracles: 1) Turning water to wine... 2) Raising Lazarus... 3) Maintaining a milky-white complexion in a desert climate for 33 yrs
←Rate | 08-14-2016 21:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Fortunately, my injuries were only super-fish-oil.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 20:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Out of everything Johnny Depp has been accused of, his wearing a crop top jersey in Nightmare on Elm Street has got to be the worst.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 16:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forgive me for saying this but if you like the Rolling Stones more than the Beatles we can't be friends.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where an all-nighter takes place over 2 nights.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 16:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At least once a day I pause to remember the fish from the Faith no More video.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 16:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just put a stick figure family on my car so I’d have one place where I look skinny.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 16:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching an Olympian biting his gold medal he just won while I bite the wine cork I just pulled out with my teeth.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 14:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mexico isn't doing too well in the Olympics. Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already gone to the United States.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... Trump has been watching the Olympics to see how high the Mexican Pole Vaulters can go.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 02:40 Comments (0)  




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