Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You seem like someone desperate enough to LIKE your own FB posts.

   Being a police officer is an occupation, a choice. It comes with a salary and benefits just like any other jobs. AllJobsMatter

   Don't you wish they would invent a Clap-on Clap-off device for some peoples mouths? Well .... Until then I guess the usual "Apply Fist to Face" routine will have to do.

   I made this huge To-Do list for today. Guess my next job is gonna be who is gonna do all this stuff.

   Very impressed with the quick action and massive protests by Black Lives Matter in Chicago this weekend protesting the death of 15 young Blacks so far in July. HAHA ... Just kidding .... They don't really care about black deaths in Chicago.

   You win some You lose some You set some on fire.

   Mexico's president says that there is "no way" his country would ever pay for a wall between it and the United States. We are now waiting for Donald Trump's stupid response to this....

   Before you are kind to strangers you must be just.

   Just found out other countries like bahamas, Africa and Russia are issue warnings not to travel to the US if you're a black person. When is Syria going to issue there warning?

   I once thought I would become a vegetarian because of how much I loved farm animals, then I realized how much I loved farm animals and there is no way I would become a vegetarian.

   ... Hey ..... My kid didn't have Child Safety Seats when growing up ... And look how well he turned out!!! He invented the Child Safety Seat and is now worth $187 Million ..... #SmartLivesMatter

   This status was written and copyrighted in America, stolen by the Chinese, and re-branded. But I was able to get it for a really good deal on EBay. Just took like a month to get here.

   .... I think we should all vote for Pedro and all our wildest dreams will come true .....

   If Trump builds a wall do the gays get to decorate it?

   I'm almost positive that Mona Lisa is smiling because she just passed gas and got away with it.

   Dod you know, Clinton's yoga emails are code for how she got Nickelback's ancestors together on the Titanic lifeboat.

   Having more RT's than likes is the social media unicorn.

   In Jurassic World, they were able to train raptors. Still not as impressive as the Flintstones convincing a bird to be their record player.

   If you enjoy loud wails, eating dinner cold, unexpected slime, and not showering properly for days....Smile! You're a Parent.

   Calm down people who smile for no reason....