Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Critiquing what local business owners do with their hands on 30 second spots since 1984.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you've got alzheimers.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon America should have its own moon.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm experiencing heavy call volumes. Please hang up and never call me again.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NFL is becoming about American as beating a pinata
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon TSA: Sir, you can't bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight... Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest?
←Rate | 08-30-2016 15:04 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen,,, If you're not writing letters to random male prisoners,, you're really not "trying everything" to find a man.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 14:58 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing more creepy than getting poked by your cousin on facebook, is when you and that cousin are both males.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 14:34 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jimmy Fallon is boring.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 14:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Charlie Bucket: It's about time, Wilder. Now do I get the factory?
←Rate | 08-30-2016 14:19 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which room did Willy wonka get sent too??
←Rate | 08-30-2016 12:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Willy wonka choked on an everlasting gobstopper
←Rate | 08-30-2016 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is so high-maintenance that even the bags under her eyes are Prada.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon RIP Gene Wilder, everyone loved Willy Wonka, the only movie most people think you ever did....
←Rate | 08-30-2016 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon RIP Gene. You made people laugh even when you had no lines to speak. Your face was so expressive.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 07:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon someone stole my mood ring....and I'm just not sure how I feel about that
←Rate | 08-30-2016 06:45 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are on the verge of cloning people but can't figure out how to harvest pumpkins year round for pumpkin spice.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to eat a chocolate bar today in memory of Gene Wilder. And tomorrow. And the next day. I actually have been doing this for weeks.
←Rate | 08-30-2016 01:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes Comrade,, In America, No one owns a smartphone, the smartphone owns you.
←Rate | 08-29-2016 21:54 by Snotty Comments (0)  




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