Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   1/3 of the world is going crazy killing each other tonight, 1/3 of the nerds are looking for pokemon, 1/3 of women are rubbing their poor children in essential oils and I'm just laying on the couch wondering how I ran out of Oreos.

   If we had a terror attack like Nice, our president would be on the news telling us we need common sense laws to keep cars out of the hands of terrorists.

   Stop it with this political BS. I haven't stolen and posted a descent item in months

   If it were garbage pail kids I would totally be on board.

   this a political message board or a status site ?

   Their country is at war with itself and they chasing cartoon characters. What the heck!??

   Assuming one is against the police when they're against police brutality is like assuming one is anti-parent when they're against child abuse.

   Bernie said from the start of his campaign he would endorse Hillary if she won the primary, his supporters flip out and disown him when he shows integrity and keeps his promise.

   It's national nude day, grand marnier day, hot dog day and tape measure day. Time to get drunk and measure them wieners.

   Him: Ok, who ate the rest of my cake??? Me: Instead of accusing me of eating your leftover cake, ask yourself why you had any left to begin with, Quitter!

   I bet if Bon Jovi could turn back time he wouldn't do those gawd awful DirecTV commercials.

   Everyone is playing Pokemon again, Blink 182 has a #1 song, a Clinton is running for President, Tarzan is in theaters. Welcome to 2001.

   If you're complaining about kids playing a game outside while sitting on your a$$ judging people on the internet, you probably need to re-evaluate your priorities.

   I thought I was in a bad mood but its been a few years so I guess this is who I am now.

   Just like a bunch of brown NBA players to blame the cops when a brutha breaks the law...

   I can't be bothered to download Pokemon GO. So I just threw a basketball at my next door neighbor's rabbit.

   "Sorry, that last text was intended for my wife" is one text I never want to have to send... again.

   Life Hack: Send your boss an email that says " Suck my A$$" and you wont have to go to work the next.

   A belated congrats to the Sham Wow people for having the balls to sell a product on TV with the word "sham" in the name.

   A great trick to play is after a long and intimate texts with your girlfriend, end with "Who is this?"