Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I started reading more because for like 6 years I thought Sharia Law was a Street Fighter character.

   A fun thing to do when your co-workers go to Chipotle for lunch is to put up “Out of Order” signs on all the bathrooms.

   Due to recent events, I'm deducting a full three stars from my Yelp review of Earth.

   A date so bad instead of just saying goodnight you both write Victim Impact Statements.

   Trump would've had more speakers at the convention but they're were roster issues. Translation: Trump ran out of family members.

   I can't believe they're going to remake Little Women with an all-female cast.

   BREAKING: Chris Christie spotted working valet at the RNC.

   I learned all I need to know about race relations from watching C.Thomas Howell's heart felt film Soul Man six times.

   A man at the airport bar is now criticizing "the lamestream media" for "liberal" reporting and "spelling 'speech' without the A".

   Part of Scott Baio's speech was plagiarized from the episode of Charles In Charge where Nicole Eggert ran for class president.

   I hate when people talk about "slutty" clothing. First of all that's sexist, and second it should be called "sexually activewear."

   Roger Ailes quits FOX News ..... Guess it's up to Trump Now!

   "Is that a gun in your pants ... or are you happy to see me?" ..... Melania Sanchez

   "That's one small step for man ... One Giant leap for mankind" .... Melania Trump

   That does it!!!! .... Melania and Michelle are going to have to settle this like real women ...... Time for a winner takes all mud wrestling contest!!! Heck ... I'd pay to see that .... Donald .... You listening?

   Apparently Milania Trump is an extremely influential speaker ..... She gives one single speech and all of a sudden Hillary Supporters are all about Honesty and Integrity. Heck ... I wonder what would happen if she gives another one!

   Congratulations America! We're one step closer to schmuck.

   Melania has responded: "These accusations of plagiarism are not only hurtful to me, but are hurtful to my children Sasha and Malia"

   Hey, you guys remember when the GOP Congress refused to increase funding for worldwide Embassy Security? Probably not.

   I bet Melania regrets asking Brian Williams for help writing her speech.