Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1154 of 6446

Roger Ailes is offering to sleep with all Female Trump supporters to raise money for charity.
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09-09-2016 15:48
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Gave this girl my number and now she won't stop texting me. "Your table is ready. Please check in with the host." Geez....give me some space.
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09-09-2016 15:47
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Not do be outdone by the iPhone 7, Samsung announced today that their new phone will have a slightly less exploding battery.
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09-09-2016 15:46
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Cut Gary Johnson some slack. Donald Trump thought Aleppo was one of the Marx Brothers.
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09-09-2016 15:45
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Did you know, The White House was almost the Mauve House if not for a mix up at Sherwin-Williams.
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09-09-2016 15:45
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Putin has an 82% approval rating. The other 18% will be dead soon.
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09-09-2016 15:44
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"We are closer now to WW3 than we have ever been before" That was a news headline. Obviously we are closer now, thats how time works.
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09-09-2016 15:43
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Besides illegal immigrants, Hillary also has a lot of supporters that died along time ago.
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09-09-2016 15:40
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There should be a fourth option when voting for a president. It should be NONE OF THE ABOVE. If "NONE OF THE ABOVE" wins majority vote, all candidates should be disqualified and we have a do-over
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09-09-2016 13:55
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Stop petting my peeves!
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09-09-2016 12:41
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If Hillary wins it means way too many illegal mexicans are voting
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09-09-2016 12:06
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Ive been using the same tube of mascara for longer than Brock Turner was in jail.
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09-09-2016 07:05
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September 22nd is the first day of Fall. Not today. Not tomorrow. Put down the pumpkin. And stop being a life ruiner. Also pumpkin spice lattes causes constipation.
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09-09-2016 07:00
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..... OK .... Listen up boys and girls ..... If Hillary Clinton can claim to not remember how to identify a classified document ...... How can she claim to have never sent or received one? ..... Any Plausible Answers?
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09-09-2016 00:55
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Props to all the women who don't have to dress like a slut to get attention from men, stay classy... The rest of you come with me...

I'll probably be sick of these orange sherbet pushups by the time I finish the 22 pushup challenge but, I am determined to finish it anyway.
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09-08-2016 21:25
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Not to brag,,, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
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09-08-2016 21:17 by Snotty
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Judge: And how does the defendant plead?...... Me: *lips right on mic* 1 dollar, Bob.
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09-08-2016 20:42 by Snotty
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(snail newsroom) "Another slow news day, fellas?".. *Newsroom erupts into laughter... {snails start a slow-clap}
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09-08-2016 20:39 by Snotty
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Whoever kept Mike and Molly on the air by continually watching it which allowed it to go into syndication,,, I hate you.
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09-08-2016 19:17 by Snotty
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