Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1141 of 6452

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
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10-01-2016 12:07
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"Siri, what are the side effects of Marijuana?" I mumble into a Hershey's bar
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10-01-2016 09:40
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"There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home." -- Hillary Clinton, probably
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10-01-2016 09:19
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What goes up must come down. Except for crawling underwear.
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09-30-2016 07:05
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The next time you think your job sucks image how the camera crew that follows around the Kardashians 24/7 must feel.
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09-30-2016 07:01
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Now when she say's "deplorable" does she mean like when her husband stuck a cigar in places it didn't belong? I'm just trying to set a precedent here...
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09-29-2016 22:59 by John Y
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"Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumble into the tv remote.
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09-29-2016 22:35 by Aaron
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Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
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09-29-2016 22:34 by Aaron
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If my roof ever catches on fire, I’ll have trouble not repeating myself when I call 911.
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09-29-2016 18:24
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Heck .... Considering what we know now it is evident that Osama Bin Laden would probably still alive if he had donated to Hillary's Clinton Foundation .... Just sayin'
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09-29-2016 16:32
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"Where are you?" must be the least used phrase in sign language

it me or does Lester Holts look like a Bigfoot?

My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.
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09-29-2016 15:40
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strongly suspects that Lester Holt got his journalism degree from the University of Phoenix.
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09-29-2016 15:04
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A woman's crazy is like an iceberg. 90% of it is not visible.
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09-29-2016 13:00
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Anyway, I didn't see a debate. I saw two grumpy old married people arguing at Wal Mart.
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09-29-2016 11:21 by Fazzella
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Hillary: "Donald you need to release your taxes" Donald: "I emailed them to you!"
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09-28-2016 23:53 by jitney
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NEWS FLASH: Facebook will expand it's efforts to stop online hate speech,, *in other words, they will be shutting down until after the election
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09-28-2016 21:08 by Snotty
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All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?
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09-28-2016 20:19 by Snotty
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If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
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09-28-2016 20:06 by Snotty
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