Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon To me everyday is Talk Like A Pirate Day and that's why I'm in between jobs right now.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think the electoral college is the university where the election graduated from, you probably shouldn't vote.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: Jimmy Hoffa found buried with Corey Feldman's career. Location: Unknown.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You never see Corey Feldman and Skrillex at the same place at the same time.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in the checkout isle and the guy behind me is smirking. What I'm buying: Hamster food, prunes, Vaseline and toilet paper. So I mouth 11pm?
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hooters has a shuttle service that will take you to sporting events. It’s called Boober.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you said “all of my music is in the cloud” in the 1960s, it was due to mushrooms, not Apple.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow....iPhone 7 is making odd hissing sounds. Tech experts say sounds are caused by electromagnetic effects, while I think it's just Siri farting.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ONNNN?!?!" -Every horse being ridden during a civil war reenactment
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said you don't know what you have until it's gone was definitely talking about toilet paper.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know, if you hold an empty bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay to your ear you can hear a soccer mom complaining that she didn't get her ranch dressing.
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 89% of all marriages is spent spooning your wife on the off chance she'll say "okay".
←Rate | 09-20-2016 00:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today concerns where raised when a glory hole was found in a public toilet. Immediately the Police were called and they are now looking into it.
←Rate | 09-19-2016 23:01 by Goldie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary isn't the first woman to say I'm deplorable, and probably won't be the last
←Rate | 09-19-2016 21:19 by rwconspirator Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gary Glitter failed his driving test...he did too many minors.
←Rate | 09-19-2016 20:31 by @steedobson87 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After it was announced that 29 people were Injured in the NY Bombing, Presidential Candidate Gary Johnson was Thankful that ‘Nobody Got Hurt’
←Rate | 09-19-2016 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like the way your medication thinks.
←Rate | 09-19-2016 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime this post gets liked a Jihadist gets killed.
←Rate | 09-19-2016 08:33 by Goldie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you to the Emmy Awards for reminding me why I don't watch television.
←Rate | 09-19-2016 07:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you get serious with a girl, spend some time around her and her mom. You need to observe the future crazy before moving too fast.
←Rate | 09-18-2016 18:23 Comments (0)  




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