BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Just once in my life I'd like to see a liars pants actually catch on damn fire...

   I know what love is..Thats like someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a damn cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.

   I hate when people say like, "I gotta get my body right for this summer like exercises and tan." ok fine...like, wtf are you going to do about your damn face???

   Plan A doesn't work in your love life, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.

   If girls could read my mind, I'd would get punched in the face a lot.

   Money can't buy you happiness. But I'd rather be unhappy in a Bentley.

   College was the most expensive nap I ever took.

   there a mouse that doesn't make a clicking noise as I'm trying to close 10 windows when my boss walks into my office?

   Facebook is worth $100 billion. That's just in lost productivity.

   Little known fact… NASA put a man on the moon with less computer memory than you use when taking a picture on your iPhone.

   You need to have an open mind, but not so open that your common sense falls out.

   Maybe you should eat that makeup, so you can be damn pretty on the inside.

   They should invent a snooze button that hits back.

   Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying.

   LIKE IF: your best friends like your Facebook status because they know the story behind it.

   I'd tell you to go to hell, but I damn work there, and wouldn't want to see you everyday.

   Two Lovers plan to sucide. Boy jumped first. Girl closed her eyes and return backsaying 'Love Is Blind.' Boy in air 0pen his parachute saying 'Love Never Dies to'.

   Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer.

   You don't even know how many public pools you can get into for free with a bunch of sunblock on your nose and a whistle.

   I want to be elected president, learn the truth about aliens, and then resign.