Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1139 of 6446

It may be raining now but it will brighten up later on today. What time are you available?

Before you give up in life, remember that the hair in your anus grows despite it's environment. So stay strong and never give up.
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09-22-2016 01:57
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With Hillary dropping in the polls, everyone needs to stop telling the truth about her as soon as possible if she is going to win
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09-21-2016 18:24
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So North Korea only has 28 websites. Well we just have Facebook. Wait you mean there are more?
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09-21-2016 16:54 by eengrms
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Remember, you can see something or you saw something. You can't seen something...
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09-21-2016 15:35
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Democrats want to raise the min wage for two reasons: 1) more votes, and 2) more tax dollars. They know it will only raise prices, making it worthless. They also know most min wage earners don’t know this…
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09-21-2016 13:05
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My wife, whose almost deaf wants a kid. She went to the doctor and he said she has a fissure in her uterus and if she had a baby it's be a miracle. She thought he said she had a fish in her uterus and if she had a baby it's be a mackerel.
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09-21-2016 10:22 by Fazzella
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Angelina Jolie adopted a few lawyers and put Brad Pitt up for adoption.....
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09-21-2016 08:52
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For some reason, whenever I'm taking clothes out of the dryer, I have the urge to start singing "You gotta know when to Hold em', know when to Fold em'.....know when to walk away, know when to run....."

Angelina Jolie has filed for a divorce from Brad Pitt. Does that mean they will go back to working as independent assassins?
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09-21-2016 05:18
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to divorce. They've already adopted a team of lawyers.
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09-21-2016 05:17
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Just saying if the NFL has any balls at all, Corey Feldman will be the Super Bowl halftime show.
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09-21-2016 05:15
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To this day I can't drink a third cup of coffee without thinking of Jessie Spano and the caffeine pill damage of 1990.
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09-21-2016 05:14
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"Nobody eats just one bowl of Skittles. I should know." -Chris Christie
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09-21-2016 05:13
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Always hope I'm the first person somebody calls when they need help moving so they have more people to call when I decline.
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09-21-2016 05:12
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What to exercise today? Spots hottie in shorts. Gets on random machine nearby. Carefully follows her around gym.
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09-21-2016 05:10
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Saw a guy wearing shorts with suspenders and black socks with sandals and realized I'll never be that confident.
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09-21-2016 05:09
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The most contentious part of the Brangelina divorce will be who gets custody of Ethiopia.
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09-21-2016 05:08
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Over 15% of Venezuela residents eat garbage on a daily basis. “Disgusting. We’re so lucky in the US" said an oblivious Arby’s customer.
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09-21-2016 05:07
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Trump promises all Americans a free bag of Skittles when he's President.
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09-21-2016 05:06
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