BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I just realized I can make 50 funny faces at my boss in less than 30 seconds while the elevator door closes. Anyway, got fired.

   The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don't check their phone for 3+ hours.

   I just love hearing somebody lying, when I know the truth..

   Visa is everywhere you want to be…except out of debt.

   Waiting for someone to tell you they love you is like listening for windchimes in a hurricane.

   Just when you think you've heard it all, someone comes up with a brand new damn lie.

   Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they're out of control.

   "I wasn't that Drunk.." "Dude, you threw a bird at the police and screamed go angry bird kill those pigs!"

   The two favorite buttons I LOVE on Facebook: "Hide all posts from this person" and "Hide friend request".

   Okay, I haven't seen a damn spider around here in like three days...What the hell are they planning??

   Because of the poor economy, we couldn't afford fireworks.  The only snap, crackle, and pop at our house yesterday was when I poured milk on a bowl of Rice Krispies.

   In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is damn bacteria.

   The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off

   Transparency: The ability to see within another's heart ... all strengths & weaknesses ... and to accept everything unconditionally.

   This is such a beautiful day... now watch some idiot screw it up!

   So, My girlfriend asked me if I loved Her,..No girl, I only think about you all day, text you whenever I can & Stare at you constently when i'm with you.

   Who needs soap operas, talk shows, reality tv, newspapers, and books when there is Facebook!

   The reality is that if you have a job that requires a name tag, I'll never give a crap what your name is

   I never feel as much panic as I do when the cashier asks me if I have their member card yet.

   My life must be a circus. My family expects me to jump through hoops, the people I work with are clowns, I'm juggling career and personal life, and the whole darn thing is a balancing act!