Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Spends 2 hours rescuing a baby squirrel during a hurricane but is always too tired to make her own burritos.

   I want to reincarnated as a seagull that flies around theme parks, stealing churros that are absentmindedly being held by toddlers.

   The only reason I haven't taken a rifle up into a clock tower is the stairs.

   Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night.

   If loving the mole people and helping them enslave humanity is wrong I don't wanna be right.

   When I'm at a club and the DJ says "Raise the Roof!" I'm always like "no thanks!" I came here to dance not to do carpentry.

   Instead of using someone's name for hurricanes, we should use safe identifiers, like Hurricane Apteryx, Calculus, Oatmeal, or Centipede.

   You made me think of "Hotel California," prepare to die.

   Bouncing happily through life on a pogo stick made of delusion.

   In the 16th century guys named Gaylord were the toughest son's of b**ches around.

   Good luck listening to 80's music without imagining my silhouette doing karate poses.

   I was a creepy clown before it was wrong and considered illegal.

   OK .... Since the latest Leaks and emails surfacing are proving the facts to be true ..... Perhaps it's time to watch the movie "Clinton Cash" on YooToob to see what kind of person you are really voting for.

   Trump: Don't judge me on the man I was 10 years ago. But please judge Hillary on the man her husband was 20 years ago.

   It's pretty clear now, if it wasn't already, Trump is just a schill to ensure Hillary wins.... This is 'democracy' in action....

   You know, it's just like some clowns to give Ronald McDonald a bad rap running around all creepy like. . .

   Today is our 9 years anniversary here. Keep em coming folks

   ... So .... According to his newly available 2013 tax return .... Trump paid only $40,000,000 in Federal taxes in 2013 ... A stark contrast to the $0.00 that the fake Propagandist News Media forces you to believe he paid.

   I had a late nite knock (rather hard) on the front door....Before I knew it I was flushing items down the commode.....On a side note....if you flush skittles it looks like a overhead view of NASCAR at Bristol..

   I just got offered a great deal from Vodafone. A new Samsung phone and a free fire extinguisher.