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Had a nice long talk with my niece about drugs....which ones are the best, who in town sells it, stuff like that.
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08-09-2016 01:15
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Rio 2016 Olympic officials change the name of "Zika" to "Zikachu" and now everyone wants to catch it.
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08-09-2016 01:14
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Donald Trump's Economic Team: 1) His accountant. 2) Random billionaire. 3) Omarosa. 4) Wesley Snipes. 5) Bernie Madoff.
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08-09-2016 01:13
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The best part about the Olympics is pretending I know what half these sports are.
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08-09-2016 01:11
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The Rio 2016 Olympics maintain the Greek tradition of spending way too much money and only working a week every four years.
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08-09-2016 01:10
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Show me on the doll where Mommy got botox.
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08-09-2016 01:09
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Hell won't take me because I stopped paying my membership dues in 1998.
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08-09-2016 01:09
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Evan McMullin, Gary Johnson and Jill Stein walk into a bar. No one recognizes them or offers to buy drinks.
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08-09-2016 01:07
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In 1900 the Olympics was opened to women after someone pointed out what they'd be wearing when playing beach vollyball.
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08-09-2016 01:06
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The French gymnast who broke his leg during the Olympics is in good hands, Rio's hospitals have the best leeches and voodoo spells.
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08-09-2016 01:05
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A snake can shed its skin, but it will always be a snake. Remember that before allowing people back into your life.
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08-08-2016 22:27 by
BEGO
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DELTA = Don't Ever Leave The Airport
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08-08-2016 19:10 by
Jeff W
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If you ever feel useless just know that someone out there is a lifeguard at an Olympic swimming event
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08-08-2016 17:20
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Me: I sure do Love watching the Olympic Girls Volleyball Games because they are So Talented. Wife: Yea Right
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08-08-2016 16:08
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And the Lord said, "I shall take short people and midgets.I shall combine the two. And he created gymnasts and saw that it wasn't so good."
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08-08-2016 11:43 by
Teleking
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Only you can prevent bathroom selfies.
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08-08-2016 09:21
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I want a Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercial mixed with a Wild Turkey commercial where he's just wasted driving around talking to himself.
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08-08-2016 04:15
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Bet the guy who invented hieroglyphics was high at the time.
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08-08-2016 04:13
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Some days I wonder if the movie Good Will Hunting would've been as successful if that guy in the bar didn't like apples.
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08-08-2016 04:12
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Show your partner you're committed to a long term relationship by not supporting them in what they do.
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08-08-2016 04:11
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