Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Ariana Grande's body is 60 percent water and 40 percent ponytail.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone over tells you your dreams are silly, remember there's a millionaire walking around who invented the pool noodle.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Don't wear white after Labor Day" was the original first rule of Fight Club.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to Defeat Bears: 1) Play dead. 2) Stand up tall. 3) Have them use Jay Cutler as their quarterback.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's your favorite part of Fall? Leaves changing color? Crisp weather? Realizing we're all marching towards imminent death? Hot cocoa?
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People always ask why no one immediately moves out of a haunted house but it's like UGH moving suuuuuucks.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So weird that National Vodka Day last week happens on the same day as Text Your Ex Day.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love corn mazes because they're a festive way to feel like you might never escape the hellish walls you're surrounded by.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite ghost story begins with "You have 14 invites waiting for you on LinkedIn..."
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hook-up culture's not for me. I'd rather get to know someone, find out they're not right for me, then keep dating them for 2-3 years.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 05:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what clowns are afraid of? Bullets.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 02:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump: I'm not the man I was for 60 years anymore. Reporter: when did you change? Trump: Thursday
←Rate | 10-10-2016 02:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You must be special kind of dumb if you think an idiot who became a billionaire celebrity and sleeps with models wants to change how this country works.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok straight up, ladies. I love and respect all of you, but you all know how you can be when you're PMS'n. Do we really want a woman for president. I rest my case ! ! !
←Rate | 10-10-2016 01:07 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon This offends me as a vegan transgender atheist German engineer who vapes organic decaffeinated compressed soy breast milk on the regular and a person who does Indian naked crossfit yoga 5 times per week.
←Rate | 10-10-2016 00:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS From CNN .... This just in ..... Hillary Clinton just won this and the next Presidential debate by a LANDSLIDE!!! Hail Hillary. .... Wait What?
←Rate | 10-09-2016 23:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey ... Does it mean anything when you see an elderly woman hobbling out the back door of the Presidential Debate Stage door crying and screaming vulgarities and met with a limousine driven by Huma Abedin?
←Rate | 10-09-2016 23:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The star of this debate...the fly. 😂😂😂😂
←Rate | 10-09-2016 22:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so many disposable cameras
←Rate | 10-09-2016 22:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The "running man" may no longer be a trendy dance move, but it's a cool way to get out of a boring conversation
←Rate | 10-09-2016 22:18 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  




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