Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So broke this year that i'm having a Thanksgiving Chicken instead...

   This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like's your idea"

   I say let the liberals have all the abortions, free birth control, and gay marriages they want. If they don't repoduce they will soon cease to exist.

   Hillary doesn't suck, it's all those people who support her that suck!

   Does anybody out there know the co-ordinates of all of the Nudist Colonies on earth? Or at least a few?

   I have six locks installed on my door all in a row so that when I go out, I lock every other one. That way I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

   Apparently something has seriously gone wrong with my financial goals ... Evidently I am now on some kind of get rich slow scheme.

   I wonder if Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

   I used to roll out of bed asleep a lot until I found Viagra

   Meh,,, I guess I'm not against Hillary Clinton taking a drug test?... I'm MORE concerned about the GOP taking a drug test for allowing Donald Trump to be the nominee.

   So, If the media doesn't cover Hillary Clinton's emails because they say they are Private Conversations, Do they believe Donald Trump consented to have his conversations recorded and saved for future use by NBC? Just wondering.

   If you are a true Democrat, you must first ignore ALL of Hillary Clinton's lies, Corruption and Scandals ... THEN ... Go vote for her because of your perception of .... What the "Good" of the country is.

   Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.

   [Juice Bar]...... (Wildebeest disguised as man): 36 shots of wheat grass.... (Lion disguised as Bartender): Follow me out back "sir"..... *hyenas laugh*

   Bar waitress: "ANYONE KNOW CPR?!"... Me: "Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"... Then everyone laughed & laughed. Well, except that one guy.

   The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable

   Fast Food was never intended to sustain a person indefinitely ..... Neither were Fast Food Jobs ....

   Trump's 2nd season "Im a winner" will be airing on 2020.

   "Donald Trump is the greatest!" I am Hillary Clinton and I approve this message.

   The somke detector is not a timer...