Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   October surprise. . . indeed.

   If Hillary is indicted and charged with a Felony after she won the election ... Would she then be considered under "White House Arrest?"

   I'm Voting for the Presidential candidate not under FBI investigation.

   Diet Journal, day 99: Going well. Lost 4 lbs already and the neighbor's daschunds are looking less like chocolate eclairs...

   Thought I had a Political Update: "But alas"' it ended up being gas

   Early voting across the nation has confirmed that World War 1 Veterans overwhelmingly support Hillary Clinton!!!

   Please, Hillary. Please drop the fock ded.

   Brace yourselves it's Harley Quinn weekend!

   Its OK that you are voting for Hillary. In fact when Trump wins, you retards will get much better medical treatment.

   If Hillary wins the White House, I'm moving to a country that will be considerably more safe: Yemen.

   Fun fact: orange amoebas have small minds, small hands and no gentalia.

   If you think your life can't get any worse, just remember...you could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.

   Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

   Let's all gather 'round the LED campfire simulation and listen to Grandpa play his accordion app on his cellular telephone is the best Halloween party idea ever!!!

   The person who invented winking was definitely a little sketchy.

   Italian bread is just like regular bread but it's gold chain gets stuck in its chest hair while it blows out your kneecaps.

   Candy corn is just regular corn that has daddy issues, smokes Marlboros, and has a kid out of wedlock with a guy named Bo.

   Let's all gather 'round the LED campfire simulation and listen to Grandpa play his accordion app on his cellular telephone in the best Hallowen party idea ever!!!

   Shazam but for strangers who recognize you in public.

   We broke free from England to elect a sociopathic reality star or a compulsively lying epitome of PMS for President. Bang up job, America.