sully Funny Status Messages

   Forget the Mayans, if Twinkies makers don't return to work by 5 pm, the world ends today.

   I always wondered what a ''Chimichanga" was. Just found out. It's a bad case of diarrhea....

   I'm starting to think that all those hours in school when I practiced writing my autograph was just a waste of time.....

   Breaking: Elmo taking over as the "special teams" coach at Penn. State!

   I've a bottle of Champagne chilling for election night. If Romney wins I'll drink a glass. If Obama wins I'll drink the whole thing then start on whiskey....

   NJ Gov Christie has cancelled Halloween… people are being asked to send any previously purchased Candy to the Office of the Governor.

   Another NBA season...and Chris Bosh is still ugly.

   Hurricane Tip: If you get stung by a wind flung jellyfish have a friend pee on you, ASAP......

   My hurricane tip of the day: if you live in the Northeast, OMG HURRICANE COMING PANIC......

   PS Don't light every scented candle you own if the power go's out. You'll have a Yankee Candle store-grade headache....

   Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....

   Hurricane Survival Pro Tip #2: If your neighbor is a jerk, point your patio umbrella at their windows. See what happens in 80mph winds......

   Why don't they give hurricanes epic names like cyclone of doom or the fate fairy instead of frikken Sandy.....

   If Donald Trump combs his hair back live on TV facing the camera, I'll send a check for $5 to any "Hair Club For Men" chapter of his choice....

   I am having debate withdrawal....So I'm heading to 7-11 now to spar with clerk about gas prices and Iranian sanctions.

   Another 46,000 Americans filed for unemployment last week but from what I gather unless they're name is Big Bird, or their named in a binder no one cares....?

   These debates are cool, but I think Romney and Obama should just skip the last debate and do an episode of "Wife Swap" instead...

   Presidential debate #2 tomorrow.... Have you started drinking yet?

   Now accepting wagers as to which will be the faster and more prolific descent today: Felix Baumgartner space jump or the Buffalo Bills....

   Just turned on my TV to discover Joe Biden's teeth are now burned into the screen......