jitney Funny Status Messages

   I promised my boss i'd come in early for work on monday Aint that a great April fool's prank......

   Check out a new church for the first time for Easter Sunday. When the pastor said, "would all the first time visitors please stand up", The whole church stood up with me! (Ö_Ö)

   "Im not materialistic or superficial".....says the girl who goes shopping to cheer her up

   Oh so you wanna loose weight, by eating healthy........then why your healthy food weighs more than the cheap stuff?

   LADIES: If you're at the Fair and you're ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there too. He'll find you immediately.

   Epidemic: Girls who have really good male best friends, but claims they have no man!

   I think I'm emotionally constipated cuz I haven't been given a SHhhhit in days!

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?

   The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.

   In Miami: We had a great winter season lastnight, can't wait 'til next year.

   Just saw A good day to die hard" movie. and its like tthey just took the Benz logo and stuck it on every vehicle they cud find, including a tank!

   I'm going to shut off my phone round 9pm just to not get and avoid any desperate last minute chicks

   What did one Party fish say to the another party fish....."This Carnival is stinking up the sea"

   For those girls who aint shaved.......I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Carnival Cruise Line on Fire!

   Im designing a New perfume for all the girls who forgot to shave, It's called "Forever Alone"......... It smells like a Cruise ship on fire at sea!

   Please stop saying "My Valentine is my child." or "Jesus is my Valentine." Unfortunately, they don't count as real Valentine's.

   Don't you hate it when Ur girl or wife ask you life questions while you watching a important game # biiioootch ask Steve Harvey

   I just heard Beyonce might come back out on the field and sing, "♫♪♫ Can you pay yo Bills?, Yo Stadium Bills....♫♪♫ "

   Someone's voodoo doll is finally working for the 49ers! Nice break