SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Auto correct is my worst enema.

   Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni... That folks, is what drugs do to you.

   The Hamburglar burgled HAM. If he stole burgers, he'd be called the Hamburgerburglar.

   You say "kiss ass," I say "rim job enthusiast."

   I just had to think to remember how to write a capital "P", so if anyone needs a tutor for their kid or anything, hit me up.

   My tweets are only motivational if your motive is to become an a$$hole.

   "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead

   Just adjusted my life insurance policy to include the purchase of a hologram of myself that will blend into the crowd at my funeral.

   Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, kind of makes me wish I had genital herpes.

   I perfected the art of swilling so that nobody could say I have a drinking problem.

   All I did was walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch and now my name is Trent, my shirt is off, and I'm really into shell necklaces.

   We've got way too many pointless idioms but at the end of the day it is what it is & it's all good.

   We hate what we do not understand. I'm not really sure what that phrase means, but it's stupid!

   If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.

   I always eat at McDonald's when they do the Monopoly pieces. 1 in 4 wins obesity.

   I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days.

   Male excuses: 1. I forgot 2. I didn't know 3. I wasn't sure 4. What?

   With "Slim T's" t-shirts Man has finally perfected the Wifebeater-girdle.

   Guys, if I'm singing a show tune with my pants around my ankles, that means I'm occupying at least three urinals, okay? Don't be creepy!

   At 24 Hour Fitness. Trying to get them to stay open an extra hour so I can really take things to the next level.