Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"

   If you can't tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you're an idiot.

   Sometimes words are not enough. That's why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...

   I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.

   WWE: 2 people fighting over a belt even though neither of them is wearing pants.

   I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things...

   If you ask what I'm thinking my answer will either be so offensive you'll never ask again, or so entertaining you'll ask again minutes later.

   I'm going to drink so much that I find that pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.

   If nobody is talking about you, you must not be a very interesting person.

   If you don't feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend... you're not doing it right.

   I'm all out of damns to give, and only have a few flying f*cks left... but I'm saving those for a special occasion.

   I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I'm afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.

   I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.

   The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

   When I die, I'm going to have a music player built into my headstone. Just so people can dance on my grave.

   I remember a day when actions used to speak louder than words. Then along came Facebook.

   When I won the Lotto, I decided to share it with my ex. "I won the Lotto, you Slut," I shouted over the phone.

   I'm not sure what I hate most about rain. The fact that it's cold, it's wet, or it instantly turns everyone else on the road but you into a bad driver.

   I have auto-correct for my voice. It's called my girlfriend.

   You send me endless invites to play games here on Facebook but didn't send me an invite to your party...