Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   [Dear Teen/Young Adult/Rapper Who Sags Their Pants]: Do you even know the origin of that fashion statement?

   They got chicken-flavored doggy treats..ok...how does a dog know what a chicken is? He might like it if you give it to him, but he's not gonna say "Oh good I was hoping we was gonna have chicken again"

   You're so creative taking pictures of your face in 11 different angles with your phone. How do you do it??

   Who cares about threats over the internet. You can't be a bada*s with a keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics, even if you win you're still retarded.

   You ever notice sometimes all day on Wednesday you keep thinking its Thursday? Then when Thursday comes, you're al right again.

   FACT: Toilet paper is more useful than your precious college degree. At least an "a**hole" would always hire a roll for to pay off his "sh*t" not student loan debt.

   You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?

   Everytime you tell someone they got a piece of food on the side of their face, they always start wiping the opposite side of where its located....then you just wanna punch them for still not getting it.

   [Average Salaries] U.S. Soldier: $54,000....U.S. Congressman: $174,000 (Not counting bonuses)....What's wrong with this picture..?

   if a person starts a sentence with, "Not to sound like an a**hole..." Guess what they're gonna sound like....?

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   You have six kids with six different fathers and you're on this online dating site looking for a honest and committed man with no kids...ok..good luck....

   Interesting how you can't say "prick" on TV as a noun or calling someone the name. You can say you got a prick on your finger just don't say you fingered a prick.

   True Beauty = (Woman + Confidence) - Make Up

   Clerk: Hi, welcome To McDonalds, what can I get you? Me: Yeah, can I get half a dozen chicken nuggets please? Clerk: Oh I'm sorry, we only serve 6, 10 or 20-piece. Me: So you can't serve me half a dozen chicken nuggets? Clerk: No sir Me: OK, interesting.

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   If you have to steal something. then it's obvious you never needed it in the first place.

   Just remember...when you're sitting down praying to be someone else, someone else is praying to be you.

   [How Most Wars Have Started Between Countries] "You believe in God?", "No" , (BANG!!). or "You believe in God?" , "Yes" , "You believe in MY God?" , "No" , (BANG!!)

   The 5th Commandment, Thou shall not kill...Murder. But isn't it funny that more people have been killed in the name of God then in any other event ever on this planet.