Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   On a scale of 1 to "Get out you're fired" where does napping at work rank?

   My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn't totally destroy my phone

   What a great time to be alive. If this was 100 years ago I might randomly catch polio, get drafted to fight in WWI or be someone’s slave.

   Don't spoil the Moment by getting busy in taking selfies for Facebook and instagram.

   when the sun hits your laptop screen, and you realise it has enough dust to start your own desert.

   Calm down R&B singers nearing the end of your songs

   Our relationship is so special we will not cheapen or desecrate it by putting it all over Facebook.

   "Love me. Love me more. More. More. More! Damn you over did it, bye!" - Women

   Come a little closer so I can push you away. - Women

   The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.

   Buy her a time machine, because women love bringing up the past.

   There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don't know.

   Well I don't want to date anyone that's ugly, but I also don't want to date anyone that's stupid. So I'm single.

   Screw coffee, I want whatever this happy singing bird is on. Times three.

   Don't bite the hand that feeds you, unless you're on a diet.

   I just saw a man reading a book, so I'm basically an archeologist now.

   I overheard an old dude at the bar tell the bartender not to put ice in his drink because 'you'll bruise the scotch' Changed my life.

   If I used to flirt with you everyday and then I suddenly stopped, don't stress. Its not because I no longer find you hot and attractive. It's probably because I received a death threat from your husband.

   Attractive women post selfies and refer to themselves as ugly. As a group, if we begin agreeing with them we could stop that sh*t quick.

   why do chickens wake up so early? it’s not like they have a job or go to school. all they do all day is just walk around eating and sh*tting.