Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1099 of 6384
Again Mr Jovi, Please stop mailing us bible verses. You cannot continue living on a prayer. We require an actual mortgage payment.
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09-01-2016 15:47
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I'm just looking for anything that gets me as excited as 10-year-old me when Fonzie made a surprise appearance on Laverne & Shirley.
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09-01-2016 15:46
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I missed the MTV music awards! Who won best music video that MTV will never play?
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09-01-2016 15:44
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You search and search for that nostalgic early 90's reference and then finally whoomp there it is.
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09-01-2016 15:43
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Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little boy blue and the man in the moon, When you coming home, Son?!?! When you stop talking crazy, Dad.
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09-01-2016 15:42
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Happy 10th birthday to your dating profile pic.
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09-01-2016 15:41
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My dentist said I need a crown I was like I know, right?
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09-01-2016 11:19
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Melania's upset. Several news outlets called her a 'former escort'. because the word 'former' implies that she isn't one anymore.
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09-01-2016 10:37
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I was just brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant when out of nowhere I hear "you're gonna have to pay for that"............this walmart sucks!
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09-01-2016 10:04
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Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.
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09-01-2016 08:56 by SEAN
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Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills? Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....
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09-01-2016 08:53 by SEAN
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Some lady on The Price is Right just won a brand new 2016 Epi-Pen.
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09-01-2016 08:49 by SEAN
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Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.
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09-01-2016 08:48 by SEAN
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I hate those people who ride your bumper and then start flashing their lights at you. Like, Hey- look at me, I’m driving an ambulance.........
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09-01-2016 08:47 by SEAN
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In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.
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09-01-2016 08:46 by SEAN
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I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice.
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09-01-2016 08:45 by SEAN
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I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don’t cross the country and are back home in a few hours.
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09-01-2016 08:45 by SEAN
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Trump is a living embodiment to an erection that lasted more than 4 hours.
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09-01-2016 08:33
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You add me to your mailing list without my permission or knowledge and now I have to go through your 10 step process to unsubscribe myself if I don’t want to continue receiving your spam?
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09-01-2016 04:43
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I felt like the ending of this weeks episode of Trump was kind of boring. Right? I guess the writers are building to something big.
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09-01-2016 01:58
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