Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1095 of 6384
When a couple breaks up, the girl always thinks the guy blew it while the guy is glad he’s away from that psycho b*tch.
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09-04-2016 15:51
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How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?..........Mark Sanchez
Hey Trump haters... You guys can still pee in the ladies room since you have been for years anyway
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09-03-2016 16:33
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If by picnic you mean eating inside at a restaurant not swatting insects then yes, yes, I'll join you for a picnic.
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09-03-2016 16:31
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Someone was blocking the grocery aisle with their cart, so naturally I walked over one aisle to get around them like an adult.
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09-03-2016 16:29
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While we're all talking about it, can I suggest a Fish n Chip truck on every other corner?
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09-03-2016 16:29
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My favorite brand of tent for camping is Marriott.
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09-03-2016 16:27
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Why aren't Cadbury eggs available year round?
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09-03-2016 16:27
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You know your weed man is getting too popular when he has his own Snapchat location filter.
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09-03-2016 16:26
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If we don't build a wall on our northern border, they'll soon be maple syrup and Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.
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09-03-2016 16:25
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One of the greatest moments of progress in world peace and democracy was tearing down the Berlin Wall. Only a true psychopath would think building a giant wall is a progressive step in our world.
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09-03-2016 12:31
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People all upset about someone not standing while wearing hats about how America sucks and voting a draft dodger.
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09-03-2016 10:09
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Who needs facts? That's what opinions are for. New political slogan....
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09-03-2016 06:43
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When I see a framed first dollar earned hanging in a business I wonder how many stripper's butt cracks it was in before that.
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09-03-2016 05:47
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Message to Veterinarians: If people are stealing prescription meds from their pets, maybe you should stop prescribing Oxycontin to goldfish.
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09-03-2016 05:45
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Never bring a knife to a gun fight; unless it's attached to a gun; look...just also bring a gun. Matter of fact just don't go to the fight.
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09-03-2016 05:44
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Do you think Magnum the ice cream bar company and Magnum the condom company ever feud about who's is bigger?
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09-03-2016 05:42
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Donald Trump met with Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto this week, so Trump can tell him how great the Mexican food is at Trump Tower.
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09-03-2016 05:41
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I just yelled "Yo Joey" at the Springsteen concert in New Jersey and 2/3rds of the crowd turned around.
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09-03-2016 05:40
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Fish food is a one time purchase. If you go through more than a canister in 10 years your fish has an eating disorder.
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09-03-2016 05:38
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