Funny Status Messages

   [grocery produce aisle]... ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?.. CLERK: No, why do you ask?... CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

   At first glance, the word "Diputseromneve" looks confusing and retarded. However, if you read it backwards it's even more stupid.

   BREAKING NEWS: Game show hosts going on strike... They know their jobs are in Jeopardy,.. but they won't settle until they can get a contract where The Price Is Right.

   All I'm sayin is how do you expect your gluteus to be maximus,,, if you don't eat your bacon?

   Hey protesters, while you're marching for equality for something that hasn't even happened yet, why don't you march on over the ND where Native American rights have been getting violated for over a year? Oh, it doesn't affect you. Got it.

   My favorite dinosaurs were the carbivores... You never hear about them because they went extinct before the others,,, You know cuz,, like all the gluten and such...

   In these trying times, I want to find good in this world so here goes,,,,, I am extremely grateful that Cap'n Crunch leaves far more gently than it enters.

   Wtf? I like something and the site reverts back to page 1!

   I just introduced a guy wearing a hoodie with shorts, to a guy wearing a vest... They're fighting... Umm Wait,, That's actually making out, they're making out.

   Hot Kraft singles in your area are difficult to open, and really not good cheese anyway,,,, So....

   Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go?.. God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that.

   BREAKING- the only way Trump is not your president is if you move to another country. See ya! Don't let the Wall hit you on the way out.

   Meanwhile Mexico is digging through its couch looking for change to pay for the wall......

   The so called bullied became the bullies and are now bullying America because of one bully? What's next groping?

   I'm a simple man, I see titties I click

   So is every room in a Trump hotel now a presidential suite?

   I doubt most of these rioters even remember all of the amazing riots and protest violence that happened when President Obama was elected President ..... Oh wait ... there weren't any .... Ever.

   WOW, I had no Idea there were so many temper tantrum prone clueless spoiled little brats in America.

   I think before people are allowed to protest and try to overturn an election, The protesters should first be required to take a basic Civics 101 class.

   How policies suddenly change once you get elected: We gonna keep the Obamacare and we gonna legalize some undocumented immigrants. Yes you gonna get the change that you voted for.