bego Funny Status Messages

   Dear Phone, Maybe if you didn`t light up so many damn times telling me you had a low battery, you wouldn`t have died so damn quickly!

   I am actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.

   I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I was going, Officer.

   I don't think I've ever been told I'm a bad listener.

   Some smartphone you turned out to be. You should have known better than to let me call my damn Ex.

   You're really not as bad as people say. You're much, much worse.

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives

   Hulu is coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

   omg I just found out I'm allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!

   My mother called Information. While I'm sitting here with my laptop, she called Information. Even the Amish dont call information anymore

   Fine dont text me back then. Its not like I'm obsessively checking my phone or anything

   Weddings in 3 weeks, I wish I could invite all of you but the Waffle House only fits 43.

   Old: Can I buy you a drink? New : I'll give you fourteen dollars for your phone number.

   When I'm rich, I'm going to dictate my status updates to my secretary, and my butler will press that share button.

   Im still waiting for customer service but Ive exhausted all my dance moves to their hold music, now damn what?

   From now on if you type, LOL you should have to submit a video proving it.

   I wish relationships were Mon-Fri, 9-5 that way id have my nights and weekends free

   Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.

   changing my iPhone signature to say, Sent from my bathroom.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once Id like to see a drug commercial that says, May cause extreme awesomeness.