Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I like this mannequin challenge. It gets idiots to shut the hell up for a minute.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 22:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon LITTLE KNOWN FACT: After the umbilical cord has been cut,, a nurse spanks the baby for being uninsured.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 21:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Tom Brady accused of deflating again in Macy's Day Parade
←Rate | 11-18-2016 18:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm glad Alfac has a float in the #MacysThanksgivingDayParade... Little kids should always be reminded to buy supplemental health insurance.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 18:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad's decided to NOT move to Canada,,, He says he's "Angry",,, but not, "Learn the Metric System" angry..
←Rate | 11-18-2016 18:13 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Batman and Catwoman had a baby, would it be Batcat, or Manwoman?
←Rate | 11-18-2016 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My morning pooh would be a lot more relaxing if it happened at home or at work instead of on my way to work
←Rate | 11-18-2016 16:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the crappiest jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in an action movie..
←Rate | 11-18-2016 16:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Each mile you run adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 80 you can spend an extra 6 months in a nursing home at $10,000 per month.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 16:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm almost positive that just before I get to Wallys some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
←Rate | 11-18-2016 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If ignorance is bliss then there's a crap load of people in paradise....
←Rate | 11-18-2016 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 10:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?
←Rate | 11-18-2016 09:38 by Sheezatayhay Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Bank called because they noticed "Highly Suspicious Activity" on my debit card. It was for a Gym Membership.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 07:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning.... "You mean Diabetes?".. Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases, ooh
←Rate | 11-17-2016 22:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at first you don't succeed, parachuting isn't for you
←Rate | 11-17-2016 21:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine someone trying to assassinate Trump and the secret service having to yell ,Donald Duck
←Rate | 11-17-2016 21:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Will Seth Meyers continue to be on television now that the Clinton 2016 team is dissolving?
←Rate | 11-17-2016 19:30 by TiredOfBlue Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to political correctness, "rapists" will now be called "unapproved lovers."
←Rate | 11-17-2016 17:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you say you like Maroon-5 ??.... Did you even try Maroons' 1 through 4 ??
←Rate | 11-17-2016 17:31 by snotty Comments (0)  




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