Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1084 of 6384
it just me or does different shoes come with different movement/walk ?
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09-15-2016 04:24
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It's great to have pancakes on a special occasion. But I think it might have been better not to put syrup on before I blew out the candles.
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09-15-2016 02:41
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If you don't think of Tupac every time you down a Cranapple Snapple, then.... WTF ever, homie.
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09-15-2016 02:40
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According to state law, the other people waiting at the DMV are required to have a bad smell.
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09-15-2016 02:36
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The Love Boat was my favorite 80's TV show about senior citizens infecting each other with STD's on the open seas.
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09-15-2016 02:35
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In hindsight life was better when we could only take 12, 24 or 36 pictures at a time and we paid to print them. Even if doubles WERE free.
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09-15-2016 02:34
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I trust myself less than I trust bed bugs to do the right thing.
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09-15-2016 02:31
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Your dog, who rolls in carrion, rubs her muzzle in my hair. Oddly, I do not mind this, but am reconsidering my choice of conditioner.
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09-15-2016 02:30
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When I told you to be more spontaneous, I meant combustion.
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09-15-2016 02:29
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Bladderrash Counterhatch in the streets. Benedict Cumberbatch in the sheets. You don't get it? Me neither. I just want him in my sheets.
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09-15-2016 02:28
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Hate when the same commercial plays twice in a row because for a split second I feel like I finally figured out how to go back in time.
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09-15-2016 02:27
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When deaf kids sign curse words, do their parents threaten to wash their hands off with soap?
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09-15-2016 02:26
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If my extension cord ever gets tangled with my ear buds and Christmas lights, I’m really screwed.
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09-15-2016 02:25
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Mexico announces it's found 6 new oil deposits in Gulf of Mexico. Trump now wants to add a huge door to his wall.
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09-15-2016 02:24
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Trump's appearance on Dr. Oz will solely be for publicity and has nothing to do with real medical information. Same as all the other episodes.
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09-15-2016 02:23
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Dr. Oz pledges to avoid questions Trump doesn't want to answer. It's no big deal; it's not like he's a real journalist. Or a real Doctor.
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09-15-2016 02:22
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It turns out Hillary didn't have pneumonia after all. She just downloaded iOS 10.
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09-15-2016 02:21
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Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"
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09-15-2016 02:19
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Ok I admit it, perhaps I shouldn't have yelled "WORLDSTARRR!!" when they dunked my niece's head during her baptism.
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09-15-2016 02:18
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Why is Collin Kaepernick so angry? You would be too if God had put pubic hair on top of your head.
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09-14-2016 18:33
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