Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1081 of 6384
What if Donald Trump's entire immigration policy was just an elaborate ploy to divorce Melania?
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09-17-2016 16:22
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Staying focused is very challenging when there's so much porn on the Internet.
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09-17-2016 16:21
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The most uncomfortable part of seeing your work colleague crying at their desk is asking them if it's because they're crazy.
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09-17-2016 16:20
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When you see a Snowden movie directed by Oliver Stone, do the theater ushers hand out tin foil hats instead of 3D glasses?
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09-17-2016 16:18
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Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $8.13 in change.
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09-17-2016 16:17
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Other Classic Jimmy Fallon Bits: 1) Coyishly rubbing oil on Putin's bare chest. 2) Playing footsie with Saddam Hussein. 3) Tugging Osama's beard.
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09-17-2016 16:16
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What I really seek is a career where I can combine my three main strengths as a worker: sulking, sighing and complaining about management.
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09-17-2016 16:15
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Wonder what the electric eel was called, before electricity was invented.
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09-17-2016 16:13
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Interesting. Donald Trump Jr. said his dad releasing tax returns would lead to too many questions. Questions like, "Why have you never, ever paid taxes?"
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09-17-2016 16:12
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Donald Trump claims to only be 236 pounds. His pot belly, turkey neck and jowls plead the fifth.
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09-17-2016 16:11
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The best threesome is two chocolate chip cookies sandwiching ice cream.
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09-17-2016 16:10
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Did you know the NFL has announced they'll pledge $100 million to prevent player concussions; still no word on preventing their wives concussions.
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09-17-2016 16:09
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Brock Turner launching a "Drinking and Promiscuity" speaking tour is like Bill Cosby launching a "Roofies and Asking for It" sleep clinic.
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09-17-2016 16:08
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Trump reveals his medical records. They include Dr. Dre, Dr. Hook, and the Spin Doctors.
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09-17-2016 16:07
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Clinton 46% but her body double is polling at 62%....
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09-17-2016 16:06
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I don't really care to people's opinions when I can hit their IQ on a dart board.
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09-17-2016 13:37 by BLM
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As it says in Corinthinans 2: "The hateful bigot shall be forgiven if after 7 years he blames someone else while promoting his hotel."#amen
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09-17-2016 13:18
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Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race, but then I remember there are grown ups who like Pokémon Go.
Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants? Because E.T. eventually went home!
Bartender on the phone. "Oh, ,hey.." Sees a priest, a rabbi, and a horse walk in " dude, let me call you back. This is going to be amazing"
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09-16-2016 19:27 by Snotty
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