Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1081 of 6452

Yes! Lets recount exactly how Donald Trump won!!!!
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11-23-2016 22:38
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For all you #single people: Time to start thawing the #Thanksgiving hot dogs

Hillary Guitar: Shrill tone, difficult to find input jack, available in Benghazi Blood, Millenial Snowflake White, or Jumpsuit Jail Orange finish.
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11-23-2016 19:28 by Fazzella
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Oh and BTW, ,, Why haven't Pig Pen's parents been visited by child services yet?
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11-23-2016 19:15 by snotty
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I just got back from a cannibal Thanksgiving get together. ..... I had a ball.
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11-23-2016 19:13 by snotty
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"What do we want?"... "Hearing aids."... "When do we want them?".... "Hearing aids."
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11-23-2016 19:10 by snotty
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My great grandfather is gone out drinking. He's celebrating finally paying off his student loan .
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11-23-2016 18:30
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Shut the F**k up, eat your turkey and just be thankful!
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11-23-2016 17:54
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That moment when you go to hit the "Like" button and it turns to a heart and you're like "Whoa whoa whoa, I don't like it that much."
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11-23-2016 14:47
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Here's a thought. People are worried about Donald Trump deporting illegal aliens who have a U.S. born child too young to leave behind. Solution: Issue the kid a passport and tell them he can come back when he is old enough to travel on his own.
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11-23-2016 12:43
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I know this is short notice, but does anyone have a bear costume I can borrow to scare the people camped outside Best Buy for Black Friday?

What did a Hillary supporter say to a Trump supporter on Thanksgiving ? - Happy Thanksgiving America ! from a Canada :)
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11-23-2016 11:04
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If I'm ever arrested..my 1 call will be to the police station to tell them about a bomb scare. No way I'm staying there.
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11-23-2016 08:06
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Kanye West is said to be recovering well in hospital after an 8 hour operation to remove his head from his ass.

If evolution is real why are there still monkeys? If Google is real why are there still people asking stupid questions?
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11-23-2016 06:15
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mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas!!!
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11-23-2016 01:54
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Kanye West rushed to hospital with suspected ‘dislocated ego’
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11-22-2016 21:58
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If your #PMSing wife hands you #lemons, you better zest them or make lemonade or she'll stab you & squeeze lemon juice into the open wound.

If putting a straw in a Capri Sun is evidence of my stabbing skills, I hope I'm never in a knife fight.
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11-22-2016 15:55
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Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever and it starts over because it forgot something. That's a five year old kid telling a story.
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11-22-2016 14:19
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