Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn't even have a cape.

   That moment when you realize that the people you regarded as gods .... turn out to be nothing more than corrupt men.

   The reason Hillary supporters didn't watch the first Trump TV interview, is that they're so slow, it'd take them two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

   I'd give five bucks to hear First lady Melania say, "Moose and Squirrel".

   Just saw a bumper sticker saying, "My Lab is smarter than your Honor Student" I may not be worldly, but I have never seen an Honor Student jump from an open car window and chase a squirrel through a busy intersection.

   Now my neighbors know how often I pee in my backyard... Thanks, super moon. Thanks.

   Things get back to normal tomorrow when Supermoon returns to work as mild mannered reporter Clark Moon.

   There will be a 'Supermoon' tonight... That means it will be wearing its underpants on the outside.

   When the moon hits your eye Like a bigger pizza pie,,,, That's a....Supermoon.

   Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.

   A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.

   I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.

   Hey, he just called you Indian. Oh hell'no. Hold my Fry Bread

   KARMARIFIC : My new word For when karma gets someone so sweetly ..It's Karmarific !

   May your clothes be comfy. your coffee strong and your Monday short.

   I am in competition with no one. I run my own race. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone, in any way, shape, or form. I just aim to improve, to be better than I was before. That’s me and I’m free.

   A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shocks, they get jolted by every rock or pebble in the road.

   How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

   Ran into a #PETA nut while walking my dog. He said my dog was my slave. Wonder if he noticed I'm the one carrying the poop in a bag?

   Who did you vote for?☐ Clinton ☐ Trump ☑ Vodka