Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1076 of 6446

ou do Waiters in the Restaurant always ask you as soon as you enter,"Would You Like a Table Sir?” … “No not at all, I came to the Restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”
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11-22-2016 04:48
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My personal trainer says that I need to start eating healthier. I guess this means I have to start adding lettuce & tomato to my burgers
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11-22-2016 04:48
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You know it's going to be a crappy day when it starts with sneezing while brushing your teeth
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11-22-2016 04:48
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If my "check Fuel" light would just "check my wallet"....It would know there's nothing I can do about it
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11-22-2016 04:47
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Being a Man is great until you hear a noise late at night and your wife makes you realize that you are the one who is supposed to go investigate
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11-22-2016 04:47
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My first childhood Lesson was that if you dream you're having a piss, you are most likely having a piss
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11-22-2016 04:46
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Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless your problem is obesity
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11-22-2016 04:46
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Dear Facebook, how does it matter what Trump thinks about me? What matters is what he thinks about our beautiful land of America
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11-22-2016 04:44
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"When did we first meet?" if we had sex the first I could recall otherwise dont waste my time !
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11-22-2016 04:40
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The Constitution is Good
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11-22-2016 02:32
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WHAT IS THAT ? A TWISTED SISTER PIN, ON YOUR UNIFORM !
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11-22-2016 01:09
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I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.

Not to be outdone by the new "Coca Cola Selfie Bottle", CHARMIN is announcing their new "We're on a Selfie Roll!" bathroom tissue product. Now you can turn those boring old bathroom selfies into "Action Selfies"!
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11-21-2016 19:07
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Obama is Evil!!!!
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11-21-2016 18:35
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Are you still making frozen jokes? Let it go
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11-21-2016 16:17
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The Only Sabbath that matters is Black !
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11-21-2016 15:18
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If you paid to watch the Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar WWE fight ... GET A REFUND !
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11-21-2016 15:15
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I've noticed that if you remove the vowels from the word "FEMALE" it spells FML.
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11-21-2016 13:19
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Indi@n people win spelling bees, Jeopardy championships, and collegiate scholarships. They know everything...except the existence of deodorants.
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11-21-2016 12:07 by Fazzella
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Election still got you down? It could be worse. You could be a conjoined twin with a g@y brother who has a date and you're the only one with an @$$.
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11-21-2016 11:53 by Fazzella
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