Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon ou do Waiters in the Restaurant always ask you as soon as you enter,"Would You Like a Table Sir?” … “No not at all, I came to the Restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My personal trainer says that I need to start eating healthier. I guess this means I have to start adding lettuce & tomato to my burgers
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know it's going to be a crappy day when it starts with sneezing while brushing your teeth
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my "check Fuel" light would just "check my wallet"....It would know there's nothing I can do about it
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a Man is great until you hear a noise late at night and your wife makes you realize that you are the one who is supposed to go investigate
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My first childhood Lesson was that if you dream you're having a piss, you are most likely having a piss
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless your problem is obesity
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Facebook, how does it matter what Trump thinks about me? What matters is what he thinks about our beautiful land of America
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "When did we first meet?" if we had sex the first I could recall otherwise dont waste my time !
←Rate | 11-22-2016 04:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Constitution is Good
←Rate | 11-22-2016 02:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WHAT IS THAT ? A TWISTED SISTER PIN, ON YOUR UNIFORM !
←Rate | 11-22-2016 01:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 22:13 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to be outdone by the new "Coca Cola Selfie Bottle", CHARMIN is announcing their new "We're on a Selfie Roll!" bathroom tissue product. Now you can turn those boring old bathroom selfies into "Action Selfies"!
←Rate | 11-21-2016 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama is Evil!!!!
←Rate | 11-21-2016 18:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Are you still making frozen jokes? Let it go
←Rate | 11-21-2016 16:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Only Sabbath that matters is Black !
←Rate | 11-21-2016 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you paid to watch the Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar WWE fight ... GET A REFUND !
←Rate | 11-21-2016 15:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've noticed that if you remove the vowels from the word "FEMALE" it spells FML.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 13:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Indi@n people win spelling bees, Jeopardy championships, and collegiate scholarships. They know everything...except the existence of deodorants.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 12:07 by Fazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Election still got you down? It could be worse. You could be a conjoined twin with a g@y brother who has a date and you're the only one with an @$$.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 11:53 by Fazzella Comments (0)  




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