Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They should put bumpers on the roads when women are driving like they do for kids at bowling alleys

   With great power comes a great Electricity bill

   Marriage Is Like A Deck of cards, In the beginning all you need is a Two Hearts and a Diamond, As it Progresses You Wish You Had A Club and A Spade

   I got up this morning and decided to put on my favorite Fat jeans only to realize they have become just another pair of my skinny jeans

   My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile

   I wonder how many Turkeys the President will Pardon this year?

   The relationship between a husband and wife is psychological ..... One is Psycho and the other is Logical!

   "I don't celebrate thanksgiving because it's a story of murder....." well, if this is murder, it sure is delicious......please pass the yams.....

   If you have enough cats you don't even need a blanket.

   I just got back from a cannibal Thanksgiving get together. ..... I filled up on redhead again, didn't have room for Blonde tart .

   Yes! Lets recount exactly how Donald Trump won!!!!

   For all you #single people: Time to start thawing the #Thanksgiving hot dogs

   Hillary Guitar: Shrill tone, difficult to find input jack, available in Benghazi Blood, Millenial Snowflake White, or Jumpsuit Jail Orange finish.

   Oh and BTW, ,, Why haven't Pig Pen's parents been visited by child services yet?

   I just got back from a cannibal Thanksgiving get together. ..... I had a ball.

   "What do we want?"... "Hearing aids."... "When do we want them?".... "Hearing aids."

   My great grandfather is gone out drinking. He's celebrating finally paying off his student loan .

   Shut the F**k up, eat your turkey and just be thankful!

   That moment when you go to hit the "Like" button and it turns to a heart and you're like "Whoa whoa whoa, I don't like it that much."

   Here's a thought. People are worried about Donald Trump deporting illegal aliens who have a U.S. born child too young to leave behind. Solution: Issue the kid a passport and tell them he can come back when he is old enough to travel on his own.