Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My favorite ghost story begins with "You have 14 invites waiting for you on LinkedIn..."

   Hook-up culture's not for me. I'd rather get to know someone, find out they're not right for me, then keep dating them for 2-3 years.

   You know what clowns are afraid of? Bullets.

   Trump: I'm not the man I was for 60 years anymore. Reporter: when did you change? Trump: Thursday

   You must be special kind of dumb if you think an idiot who became a billionaire celebrity and sleeps with models wants to change how this country works.

   Ok straight up, ladies. I love and respect all of you, but you all know how you can be when you're PMS'n. Do we really want a woman for president. I rest my case ! ! !

   This offends me as a vegan transgender atheist German engineer who vapes organic decaffeinated compressed soy breast milk on the regular and a person who does Indian naked crossfit yoga 5 times per week.

   BREAKING NEWS From CNN .... This just in ..... Hillary Clinton just won this and the next Presidential debate by a LANDSLIDE!!! Hail Hillary. .... Wait What?

   Hey ... Does it mean anything when you see an elderly woman hobbling out the back door of the Presidential Debate Stage door crying and screaming vulgarities and met with a limousine driven by Huma Abedin?

   The star of this debate...the fly. 😂😂😂😂

   so many disposable cameras

   The "running man" may no longer be a trendy dance move, but it's a cool way to get out of a boring conversation

   Trump should grab Hillary my the p***y and drag her off the stage...

   Ladies, ladies, ladies. Seriously, some of your status updates makes me wonder. Maybe you just need to get laid. . .

   I know what I am going to be for Halloween, I'm going to be drunk. . .

   For Halloween I'm going to be emotionally stable, no one's gonna know its me.

   The only thing more romantic than true love is getting hit by a train.

   BREAKING NEWS : Bill Cosby withdraws support for Donald Trump

   Listen, OK, this was way back in 2005. It was 11 years ago, back when I was just a young, childish, 59-year-old man.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger To Donald Trump: You’re Fired. But wait, wasn't Arnold once accused of objectifying women some years ago?