Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1061 of 6446

This Christmas you can either join the Mile High club or the less prestigious Rock Bottom club, having sex on a Greyhound bus. If that's not rock bottom, I don't know what is.
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12-13-2016 04:08
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BREAKING NEWS: Massive cold takes over US after Trump calls out Heat Miser on Twitter
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12-12-2016 21:01 by snotty
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Well OBVIOUSLY,, Winter is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.
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12-12-2016 20:44 by snotty
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I hope there will never be an assassination attempt on our President Elect. But it would be really funny just to hear the Secret Service yell "Donald, duck!"

Getting tired of seeing her updated Facebook selfies again for the 20th time today....
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12-12-2016 15:01
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If Trump said he loves kittens, the Washington Post headline would be: Trump hates puppies...
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12-12-2016 12:30
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My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!
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12-12-2016 11:50
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To all the horny female teachers out there. There are grown men who will gladly let you sexually abuse them. . .
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12-12-2016 10:09 by JAB
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Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms should be a convenience store; and not a government agency.
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12-12-2016 09:48
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my stocks plumeth again.....can I get a welfare check?....
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12-12-2016 09:04 by lameduck
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Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation....
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12-12-2016 08:54
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Be honest....has ANYONE ever eaten the Fruit Cake they got for Christmas?
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12-11-2016 23:53
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Yes ... I suppose I am one of the few people that actually love Fruit Cakes!!! ....Heck .... I only need a few more ..... this year I hope to get enough to complete building my Brick wall!!
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12-11-2016 22:24
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I just realized the most exciting part of playing Monopoly is picking the token.

I would watch “The Bachelor” if the next bachelor was Chumlee.
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12-11-2016 19:31 by snotty
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Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
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12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty
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it's the time of year agian to get a lot of fruit cakes...now I cant wait for them to leave & go back to their own homes
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12-11-2016 00:04 by Eddy
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Wife sent me a pic of her new outfit and asked me "if it made her look big?" I texted her back "Nooo" Obviously...but it got auto-corrected to "Moo"
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12-10-2016 20:29 by jitney
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She texted me, "Are you near your phone" I texted her back, "No" She replied, "well text me when you are!"
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12-10-2016 20:08 by jitney
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$60,000 was stollen from a WholesFood store in NY early this yr. Luckily Wholes Food will make that money back with the next batch of apples they sell.
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12-10-2016 19:46 by jitney
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