Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1061 of 6447

It always fascinates me when someone gets off a water ride angry because they got wet.
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12-14-2016 05:52
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Thank god I don't have to hunt to eat, because I have no bloody clue where pizza lives.
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12-14-2016 05:52
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With winter less than a week away, I've come to the vivid realization that, as human beings, we've been shortchanged by nature. How come we don't get to hibernate?

Bought all of my Christmas gifts really early this year, Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes
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12-14-2016 00:44
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All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money
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12-14-2016 00:40
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I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?
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12-14-2016 00:37
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This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's Christmas list.
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12-14-2016 00:35
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SCORE!!! .... I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough....Well ... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !
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12-14-2016 00:33
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....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.
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12-14-2016 00:30
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...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫
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12-14-2016 00:29
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Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks real cool, hanging from my car's rear view mirror.
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12-14-2016 00:28
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I think it's time I go outside and pretend I'm putting up Christmas lights I never took down from last year.
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12-14-2016 00:27
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R.I.P. Jason Seaver
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12-13-2016 22:16
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Christmas - The time of year when you can get the whole dysfunctional family together under one roof!
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12-13-2016 21:24 by JCGJ
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Breaking news: Trump to appoint dingo to watch baby.
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12-13-2016 19:22
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Apparently they're called mini liquor bottles, not child sized
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12-13-2016 11:15
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Egg Nog is the perfect holiday drink for when you don't feel like breathing out of your mouth for a few hours.
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12-13-2016 04:48
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2 out of 10 people at Starbuck's today said, "Thank you," when they were handed their coffee like basic human decency is so fuckin' hard.
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12-13-2016 04:47
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You ever look at someone and think, "they probably have cocaine in their pocket"?
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12-13-2016 04:46
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The Lexus commercials with the Christmas bow on the car never show the pissed off wife yelling "You're an idiot Tom! We can't afford this!"
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12-13-2016 04:45
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