Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon This Christmas you can either join the Mile High club or the less prestigious Rock Bottom club, having sex on a Greyhound bus. If that's not rock bottom, I don't know what is.
←Rate | 12-13-2016 04:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Massive cold takes over US after Trump calls out Heat Miser on Twitter
←Rate | 12-12-2016 21:01 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well OBVIOUSLY,, Winter is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.
←Rate | 12-12-2016 20:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope there will never be an assassination attempt on our President Elect. But it would be really funny just to hear the Secret Service yell "Donald, duck!"
←Rate | 12-12-2016 15:43 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Getting tired of seeing her updated Facebook selfies again for the 20th time today....
←Rate | 12-12-2016 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Trump said he loves kittens, the Washington Post headline would be: Trump hates puppies...
←Rate | 12-12-2016 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!
←Rate | 12-12-2016 11:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all the horny female teachers out there. There are grown men who will gladly let you sexually abuse them. . .
←Rate | 12-12-2016 10:09 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms should be a convenience store; and not a government agency.
←Rate | 12-12-2016 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my stocks plumeth again.....can I get a welfare check?....
←Rate | 12-12-2016 09:04 by lameduck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation....
←Rate | 12-12-2016 08:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be honest....has ANYONE ever eaten the Fruit Cake they got for Christmas?
←Rate | 12-11-2016 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes ... I suppose I am one of the few people that actually love Fruit Cakes!!! ....Heck .... I only need a few more ..... this year I hope to get enough to complete building my Brick wall!!
←Rate | 12-11-2016 22:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just realized the most exciting part of playing Monopoly is picking the token.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 22:04 by McFazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would watch “The Bachelor” if the next bachelor was Chumlee.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's the time of year agian to get a lot of fruit cakes...now I cant wait for them to leave & go back to their own homes
←Rate | 12-11-2016 00:04 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife sent me a pic of her new outfit and asked me "if it made her look big?" I texted her back "Nooo" Obviously...but it got auto-corrected to "Moo"
←Rate | 12-10-2016 20:29 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon She texted me, "Are you near your phone" I texted her back, "No" She replied, "well text me when you are!"
←Rate | 12-10-2016 20:08 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon $60,000 was stollen from a WholesFood store in NY early this yr. Luckily Wholes Food will make that money back with the next batch of apples they sell.
←Rate | 12-10-2016 19:46 by jitney Comments (0)  




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