Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whose job was it to "Wake him up" before they lefy

   Yeah, I saw that meme too. Nice originality Delta Oscar Uniform Charlie Hotel Echo, Bravo Alpha Golf

   So I wonder if George Michael woke anyone up before he go go'ed, I know he was not planning on going solo...

   So over Christmas porn, there is only so much elf sex one can watch

   I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

   Ladies, we are not officially old until going braless pulls the wrinkles out of our faces.

   2016 stop it with the great musicians. You know that Nickelback is still around!

   George Michael is dead. hell. You thought 2016 couldn't get any worse and then WHAM.

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.

   Gold, frankinsence and myrrh. I may not be as wise as the 3 Wise Men, but I would have brought the baby Jesus a Lite Brite.

   On this day long ago, a child was born, who by age 30 would transform the world. Happy birthday Sir Isaac Newton! born December 25th 1642

   I ran over a big fat guy in a red outfit last night.

   Christmas; Another day of choreographed kindness and fake concern.

   Russian aviation and maritime hardware...both civilian and military, need a serious modernisation programme. Those nukes themselves must be rotting in those silos and probably present more of a danger to Russian lives than any enemy, real or imagined.

   I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!

   I got lost in your eyes...but I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it

   If everyone that receives a fruitcake for Christmas donates them to the government, Trump can build the brick wall!

   Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up

   I was going to wish merry christmas to all of the women that accused Trump of groping but I cant find them.