bego Funny Status Messages

   Typing a huge paragraph with your true feelings, but then erasing it and typing “yeah…”

   My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

   Username or Password Incorrect” … You couldn't just tell me which one?

   Never say “that won't happen to me!”, because life has a funny way of proving us wrong.

   I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

   Textaphrenia – thinking you've heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.

   Teacher: You failed the test! Me: You failed to educate me.

   I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

   Replying to a text with "k" not only shows that you're an a**hole, but also shows your a lazy f**k that abbreviates a two letter word.

   Relationships are like math problems. Sometimes you have to take someone out of the equation, put someone else in, and......it's right!

   ■My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a picture that makes her look fat.

   My doctor is a weight loss expert. He removes the fat from my wallet.

   Sometimes I ask myself “Why me?What have I done to deserve this?” Then, I say to myself, “Oh…right.”

   Saying “I forgive you” is the kindest way to tell someone: “I still think it's your fault.”

   A secret is something you tell to one person at a time.

   Having a dog is like having an alarm system that stains your floors.

   ❒Single ❒Taken ✔ Unable to find love because my standards have been set unrealistically high after mentally dating a celebrity.

   It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

   The next time somebody texts me with "k", I'm going to tell them that they smell like a hippo. And when they respond with "WTF??" I'm going to respond with just "k"